tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10662516166445356052024-03-12T21:05:14.729-07:00Single.....and fabulous!Early 30's career girl who has been single almost 3 years already!
Now the hard graft of study is over I must battle for my dream job and get my career on track whilst finding time for family, friends and maybe a dating life!
Follow my journey while I try to pave my way out professionally, mix with old friends and new and seeing if there is anyone else still out there who's single at my age!
I wont settle for anything but the best :) join me on my adventures to see if it exists!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-67818058488710452612013-02-04T04:09:00.001-08:002013-02-04T04:09:08.877-08:00The not so exWe broke up over 3years ago as we were heading in such different directions and made each other unhappy.<br />
<br />
We have kept in touch every year. Our birthdays are a week apart so we always meet up. We then usually annoy each other soon after and lose touch again for a substantial amount of time!<br />
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Last year was different. Not really sure how or why. <br />
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I have got to where I wanted to be in my career, and realised when we were together he was always last priority. Always. I put my friends and career before him. Some say that's the right thing to do, I'm still not sure to this day whether I could completely put someone before career but that's another story!<br />
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I realised in our time apart that suddenly my invites we're dwindling. Fine with me as I'm no longer a party animal like the old days and enjoy film nights in! But it made me question how I never had a spare weekend for him when we were together?<br />
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Back when we were a couple if he'd asked me to make plans I would tell him if my friends weren't around then yes! Poor guy never said a word! <br />
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I was so fearful of giving up my friends for a man that I put them first always. And yes it is very important to keep hold of your girlfriends when in a relationship but not at the cost of your relationship. How had I been so blind to how I treated him?!<br />
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As the single years went on I realised my friends put their men (or men they barely knew!) first. Always. And I didn't think any less of them for that. Maybe frustrated if plans were cancelled but I never felt they were in the wrong, so why did I think they would feel that way about me?<br />
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Another issue was my friends not liking him. But then I realised in 3 years..... I don't particularly like some of their choices in men! It doesn't make us less friends! Doesn't mean I don't see them and doesn't mean I'm right! I think I thought if people didn't like him that they were right and that meant I was blinded by love! So what if I was?! <br />
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You will see from my blog I went on one or two dates during my time as a singleton but no one got to me how he does and I always felt guilty somehow despite the amount of time we were apart. <br />
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I sent a txt asking him to meet for our birthdays like we always had and it went unanswered. I figured perhaps he didn't want to keep in touch anymore and me realising all of the above was too late. One day driving down the motorway I had a flash of him happy with someone else and had a panic attack and had to pull over.<br />
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I texted again a week later to say I understood if he didn't want to respond but if he ever wanted to get in touch then do. He replied straight away. His phone had been broken and he hadn't got the first message. If I'd not texted a second time I would have assumed he didn't want to get in touch and he would have assumed I'd never messages again! Sometimes fate is a funny thing!<br />
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So we met and have pretty much been inseparable since <br />
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Some sceptics felt this was due to me not meeting anyone and so I was settling! I guess even I had to question that myself?! Why was I so determined that he wasn't for me and now all of a sudden he is?! <br />
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Maybe it's just growing up? Maybe it's just realising that it wasn't all him! I needed to look a myself and how he was treated back then! <br />
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Either way at this point in time I'm happy. That's all I care about.x <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHjxc_zXo9wLfCY7Wg3V_ase0HPWr4Plno8qVIvCYdFf53xOu2NBLA-osdu1SxTiwAb44hsc0dCdfBi27ju27YTDluuN1Gj0LJe4HLKa7zdR3oCeUbPu_xz6LoCmNTjAWyulPxOiad5GY/s640/blogger-image--1735764456.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHjxc_zXo9wLfCY7Wg3V_ase0HPWr4Plno8qVIvCYdFf53xOu2NBLA-osdu1SxTiwAb44hsc0dCdfBi27ju27YTDluuN1Gj0LJe4HLKa7zdR3oCeUbPu_xz6LoCmNTjAWyulPxOiad5GY/s640/blogger-image--1735764456.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9JIoPM3SHQJnqJMP6ee3A0ivIxcrdi4AFRzMRP3CbVNRgYHIzV-fPAHPWw7str1xRsa0k12KRWxZFH7AvdX9l2EsJYtLwYLVF7wPdx4cVJ9xKzsUtgofSsK33FFoeSDbdNG7KPVqfA8/s640/blogger-image-1974845051.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9JIoPM3SHQJnqJMP6ee3A0ivIxcrdi4AFRzMRP3CbVNRgYHIzV-fPAHPWw7str1xRsa0k12KRWxZFH7AvdX9l2EsJYtLwYLVF7wPdx4cVJ9xKzsUtgofSsK33FFoeSDbdNG7KPVqfA8/s640/blogger-image-1974845051.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLKSMWyAtSFRPZ4NNF9eOE8FqBdgdMDV9OsYT2HuzBfMI981GlfmQpQck50tNeOBZ5F0d0winAxkozMueYcJ36iqSMpNlbdK4VA0QFavisycUYziV3HomSaJ6wjGdyDwEar6b4p4f-s4/s640/blogger-image-1492318882.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLKSMWyAtSFRPZ4NNF9eOE8FqBdgdMDV9OsYT2HuzBfMI981GlfmQpQck50tNeOBZ5F0d0winAxkozMueYcJ36iqSMpNlbdK4VA0QFavisycUYziV3HomSaJ6wjGdyDwEar6b4p4f-s4/s640/blogger-image-1492318882.jpg" /></a></div>cosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-16428348745700420362012-05-07T04:23:00.001-07:002012-05-07T04:25:18.685-07:00Speak your mind = Crazy girl!Apparently if you speak up, and stick up for yourself you are crazy or a stalker.
This is why so many women keep quiet, let men walk all over them, treat them far less than they deserve and they don't say a word. Why? We may look bothered therefore scaring them away. Look like we care....therefore scaring them away. Like we actually like them....therefore scaring them away (you get the message)
For a year this particular "boy" (not a man yet I'm afraid, and I mean in maturity, not literally!) has seemed to think he can pick me up and drop me as and when he feels like it and its "OK" as "we're friends"
Friends do not stand up other friends with no explanation, reason or apology. Friends do not then ignore messages after said standing up and vanish for weeks on end to suddenly turn up out of the blue like nothing happened.
He claimed to "really like me" to "want to get to know me again" etc etc. (I knew him years ago, and should have known better this time round!) And so we were taking it slow. The odd date etc. But taking it slow does not mean...not turn up and then show up weeks later and expect me to be in waiting for him.
So. I spoke up! Enough of this blowing hot and cold! I wouldn't accept this behavior from my friends, hell i wouldn't accept this behavior from family! I would ask what their problem is! And so I did. To be told....it was "out of the blue" for me to message about this! He thinks he's done nothing wrong and has no recollection of stand ups! (Glad I went to so much trouble for something he doesn't even remember arranging!)
Clearly as this particular boy is ridiculously good looking, and quite good company he is never questioned on his behavior! (Assuming he behaves like this with all women! It could just be me!)and he did not like it one bit.
I think my question was worded quite politely to be honest! But he clearly did not agree and made me feel I'd completely made up this situation in my head. Like its perfectly acceptable and normal to arrange dates and for him to vanish without trace!
He had me feeling crazy! Doubting that he had done anything wrong, I even had to go back through my messages to check we had arranged these dates! (we had) I felt crazy! And that I'd totally read into things! (I hadn't. Well I had....but only because of what he'd been saying)
I responded to his blatant denial by carefully pointing out (I didn't want to look mad!) his random behavior and how I don't treat people that way and don't expect it back. To be met with silence. Shocker.
I may have been single a long time, I may have been excited to run into this old flame, I may have eaten up all his lies, and I may have wanted to believe everything he said, but I wont be treated like a doormat to have a man. No matter how long its been! And how "grateful" society thinks I should now feel to have someone interested in me!
And if I had any doubt......I received a text later this eve to say he was out with his "girlfriend" who....he apparently lives with! Small town this one! A friend was out with a mutual friend of ours and she spilled the whole story.
So don't ever settle girls! Your gut is always right!xxx
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjh9PIhRdhOlj5eehE35hWoKF9l0yQ5zG4gtlaaNf7hZ8E0y4rnIMZSwotgBfbkdcbr7FR9KcTr4wWvhqDu5wn-TgDOy90faQTs_bjvHs19LVIpDrkiDoSCNC3XQnG6LDy6Z2WcrOfWgE/s1600/SJP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="192" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjh9PIhRdhOlj5eehE35hWoKF9l0yQ5zG4gtlaaNf7hZ8E0y4rnIMZSwotgBfbkdcbr7FR9KcTr4wWvhqDu5wn-TgDOy90faQTs_bjvHs19LVIpDrkiDoSCNC3XQnG6LDy6Z2WcrOfWgE/s320/SJP.jpg" /></a></div>cosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-49879650271688268832012-04-08T02:40:00.005-07:002012-04-08T03:02:57.628-07:00Could I have done more?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiHMYiUVEWqdrb_uhTW7Q0Owr_Nyt3VcJjqZq4ySFsbDj-qRo18hvpnEncppUZ9yAdL-3S44G7Nh_NU33Hbnsx3sSomQz6QkdeLcofMrCqzxctANyY8cA_-6MfJgz9Khd6iRWm_PUUCBw/s1600/--i-will-miss-you-by-laucha.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 252px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiHMYiUVEWqdrb_uhTW7Q0Owr_Nyt3VcJjqZq4ySFsbDj-qRo18hvpnEncppUZ9yAdL-3S44G7Nh_NU33Hbnsx3sSomQz6QkdeLcofMrCqzxctANyY8cA_-6MfJgz9Khd6iRWm_PUUCBw/s320/--i-will-miss-you-by-laucha.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5728967670502015042" /></a><br />When we lose a friend or family member it is always difficult and hard to accept. But when you lost them because of something that could have been prevented its even more difficult.<br /><br />This week we said goodbye to a friend who was just the nicest, most compassionate, most optimistic person I had probably ever met. I didn't really appreciate at the time her skill of seeing the best in every situation and every person she met. I don't think I ever heard her say a bad word about anyone? I even saw her cry because of things people had said or done to her but still don't recall her ever speaking badly of them.<br /><br />She always smiled. She always had time for everyone, she always greeted you as if it had been years since you had last spoken. She was interested in everyone and everything and really proud of everyones achievements no matter how small they were.<br /><br />I'm not sure if any of us really appreciated what a good heart she had. I think we just knew her that way and so.....not took it for granted? As no one had a bad word to say about her either, but probably didn't tell her enough how much she meant to everyone and how she made them feel. I wonder if in church this week she saw the impact her loss has had on everyone. <br /><br />The biggest feeling on that day wasn't just the loss we feel but...could we have done more? Should we have done more?<br /><br />She was battling with demons which we were all aware of, and one by one tried and failed to help. But did we try enough? Had we realised how far into this she really was?<br /><br />We all tried and failed to keep in touch when she began withdrawing from everyone. She would respond to texts, and social network but even that trailed off eventually apart from a select few and her family. But were even they aware of how bad she really was?<br /><br />We all knew she was unwell but didn't realise how unwell, and I doubt even she realised how bad she had gotten.<br /><br />Soon texts went unanswered, meetings cancelled, phone calls unanswered and one by one we each felt it was us she was avoiding or had no interest in keeping in touch with so gave up. Lives are so busy and I guess people don't have time to keep chasing people that don't want to keep in touch.<br /><br />We then all got the fateful message that she did not have long. That she was losing her battle with her demons and just the realisation that now there was really nothing we could do now. <br /><br />We will always wonder if we let her down. Always. I don't think we'll ever not think about what we could and should have done, about her, about the loss, about the waste, about her family left behind, and how we had let months or years in some cases go by without trying to do something to stay in touch.<br /><br />We let her descend into the darkness she had found herself in. We left her to her demons as we felt she didn't want our help, and perhaps felt she didn't want to stop or help herself? But who are we to decide that? Our lives got busy whilst hers spiralled out of control, and now who has to live with the consequences of that?<br /><br />You cant force someone to stay in touch, and you cant force someone to get better who doesn't want to. but we should have kept trying.cosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-7610166594861181022012-04-08T02:29:00.003-07:002012-04-08T02:39:23.517-07:00Single yet turned down a night out???<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsujGS3joCw2GOvj1Wonka-ltn4Avfk_Ai6qfW5O6Sli9FRW15CQuECSoMnhdAVVHzZAtxMPmAK-nZZTPt0a01Vsh1kUWxaQVOr12Z8nDj_bwSBUfQEQbziiZ7WloIsZKvU7h5s7wZCWI/s1600/pamper+11.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsujGS3joCw2GOvj1Wonka-ltn4Avfk_Ai6qfW5O6Sli9FRW15CQuECSoMnhdAVVHzZAtxMPmAK-nZZTPt0a01Vsh1kUWxaQVOr12Z8nDj_bwSBUfQEQbziiZ7WloIsZKvU7h5s7wZCWI/s320/pamper+11.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5728961878533458178" /></a><br />It appears to mean when you are single you have to accept every single offer for a social event for fear Mr Right could be at said social event and you miss him!<br /><br />I yesterday was invited to a friend of a friends birthday. Which was very nice to be asked! But after two very busy days I just wanted to stay in, put a hair treatment and face pack on and watch chick flicks.<br /><br />This was pointed out to me as "turning down a night out to meet people, to watch films about other people meeting people"<br /><br />Of course coming from a "smug married" person!<br /><br />it baffles me how singletons going out every night, to any event, whether they know the people inviting them very well or not is any less "desperate" looking as those that are seemingly desperate for trawling the internet for dates. (smug marrieds see this as desperate, not me I would hasten to add!) I barely knew the people out last night apart from one, and yes what a fab opportunity to meet new people! But when you want to stay in.....why when you're single do you need to justify that?!<br /><br />Mr Right may well have been out last night, or Mr Right may well have stayed in watching sports, or went away for Easter OR Mr Right may.......not exist! (imagine!!) <br /><br />But I enjoyed my evening of chick flicks and chocolate and refuse to feel bad for doing so!!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-13422960098061986222012-01-29T06:47:00.000-08:002012-01-29T07:13:01.015-08:00Standards<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10uABkKFBqBIbRIztBDwBrJVU8-eN-vEw-_vx-eVC7ft975kY9Pb5U3FQgofmjUaiTvvtEs53JrvOYOqswjB6TdIUwTdRiEdli-lwKX7pouyuF0fH727qfVbB9Z4ehQYbRfckDo55bg0/s1600/datingstandardssettling.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 221px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10uABkKFBqBIbRIztBDwBrJVU8-eN-vEw-_vx-eVC7ft975kY9Pb5U3FQgofmjUaiTvvtEs53JrvOYOqswjB6TdIUwTdRiEdli-lwKX7pouyuF0fH727qfVbB9Z4ehQYbRfckDo55bg0/s320/datingstandardssettling.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703072220894854322" /></a><br />So when you hit your 30's and there is still no prince charming in sight do you have to start thinking about your standards?<br /><br />I mean do you have too many? Are you looking for such a specific person to spend your life with its impossible to find the right one?! (or ones!) <br /><br />But...should you lower your standards?! I mean what you want from a relationship is what you want. So why should you lower your standards? Settle.<br /><br />Standards such as a black card holding, multi property, aston martin driving, city banker, who is tall, dark and handsome with no baggage is something that could be taken down a notch! Or fifty!<br /><br />But standards such as someone who is independence, has their own place (whether its bought or rented) drives, has a good job, is ambitious I think is ok.<br /><br />I mean, you cant help you fall in love with. You could fall in love with a vet, a bar tender, a bin disposal worker.....the list is endless! If you disregard these because of what they do....well then perhaps the standards should be dropped? If the feelings are genuine.<br /><br />If its a case of you wouldnt have anything in common because of the job etc then again thats a valid reason.<br /><br />I feel as an independent woman with her own place, good job, who is independent, and has good friends etc that I can expect the same from a partner. And that isnt being "too choosy"cosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-18692907760576602162011-12-29T06:54:00.001-08:002011-12-29T06:58:57.560-08:00To the boy who doesnt deserve this post<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlrbwUAv0UQDtMzaLFCTddnd8hG15q8UI5ai2LurymAIM6uVfRY1mqqzvSWDwhEssDTHDugXW3AJ5ZIQS5em8iUGDeiWlD5paqkNu9_IPwhhXhJKLMlaScnxh74_xxMyuH8p_qMIsT3ac/s1600/miss_you_096.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlrbwUAv0UQDtMzaLFCTddnd8hG15q8UI5ai2LurymAIM6uVfRY1mqqzvSWDwhEssDTHDugXW3AJ5ZIQS5em8iUGDeiWlD5paqkNu9_IPwhhXhJKLMlaScnxh74_xxMyuH8p_qMIsT3ac/s320/miss_you_096.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691564959177510114" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYmTk6dCuGI6WStoHWCmSxvydW0jJzhZPZIGNP9vaoWlClpEqFvxlFtMYIFf9oChXhix7jmi27_e-uRunJcLio6LaY-MMVshk0lLBqKPt4Dk1V3h8UI05O7XLTQ6Slr7vDP8SG-TRpLcU/s1600/miss+you.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 251px; height: 201px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYmTk6dCuGI6WStoHWCmSxvydW0jJzhZPZIGNP9vaoWlClpEqFvxlFtMYIFf9oChXhix7jmi27_e-uRunJcLio6LaY-MMVshk0lLBqKPt4Dk1V3h8UI05O7XLTQ6Slr7vDP8SG-TRpLcU/s320/miss+you.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691564887756866450" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSSjscixqcdmhKNqJ3kUlxaCms7Lg95REcE1SYLK53BOFFoKnalYOxiWZ9JxojZWNsagn7QkKuNKHp2zZXYbB34GiNVBlTwE5v-tzFkG8XBFyiLRGq-fkBHcVTlF3Dr1G_aztIuCvnL3w/s1600/goodbye.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSSjscixqcdmhKNqJ3kUlxaCms7Lg95REcE1SYLK53BOFFoKnalYOxiWZ9JxojZWNsagn7QkKuNKHp2zZXYbB34GiNVBlTwE5v-tzFkG8XBFyiLRGq-fkBHcVTlF3Dr1G_aztIuCvnL3w/s320/goodbye.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691564802940725746" /></a><br />From the moment I met you I knew you were the one. We clicked instantly and never spent a day apart.<br />We lunched together, talked on the phone day and night and even at work. I would cook for you, you’d cook for me, we’d watch films together and all the time I knew you were the one for me, you never acknowledged those feelings.<br />Except for when alcohol was involved of course! Then it got to the point I’d look forward to you having a few drinks so you’d tell me the things I wanted to hear. But sadly the following day you would always complain you remembered nothing.<br />I watched as you chatted to pretty girls, all the time unable to say anything as we were “best friends”<br />I would ruin potential relationship after relationship by putting you before them. Whenever you called at the drop of a hat I’d be there. I would cancel dates with them to hang out with you. I even got one boyfriend to drop me at your house on the pretence it was a girlfriends house! To me you were perfect. You were everything, and we had a bond no one could break.<br />You even talked of the bond yourself! And how you’d never have that with anyone else. All these things screamed we were meant to be, yet...we never were?<br />I was young, naive and was so bowled over by you I didn’t realise I was being treated badly! I would rather spend time with you than anyone else I knew and my long term relationship ended because of that. He had known as soon as we met that it was you I wanted. It was clear for all to see, and even with years behind us, from school onwards, he couldn’t compete with you. No one could.<br />I would half heartedly go on “dates” as you were doing the same, so as not to seem too keen, or clingy and scare you away. You had me walking on egg shells practically every day for fear I’d say or do something to frighten you off. I believed if I held on in there you would eventually realise what we could have and whisk me off my feet.<br />Sweet!<br />As I got older (still in teenage years mind! But late teens) I wised up considerably when years had passed and still no declaration of love (when sober) was made. I had to face the fact I probably was your “soul mate” and we did have a bond. But to you, in a friend way. Not romantically.<br />So I made a go of it with a guy I’d met and all things changed! You suddenly wanted me after all! Obviously seeing me with someone else riled up inside you some kind of jealousy and what I hoped to be realisation I was the one for you. And kissed me then and there in a packed bar with people you knew would tell him.<br />Was it staking your claim? Making it clear to all I was in fact yours after all this time of spending practically every day together but under the guise of “friends” For a very short period afterwards you were what I wanted you to be. Mine! But sadly. As I would learn to realise, it wasn’t real.<br />As soon as any potential competition was now safely out the way, you were no longer interested and back to being “friends” you weren’t “ready” for a relationship, didn’t want to spoil our friendship, didn’t want to hurt me. The usual player lines. <br />This happened for quite a while. You would date someone, it would go wrong, you’d call me, I would date someone it would go wrong, I would call you. And eventually what was “just friends” became more. After years of waiting. But still not all I wanted it to be. You then tried it on with one of my friends in a nightclub. Not just a friend, a best friend. I didn’t even believe her at first, that’s how blinded I was by you! I believed you over my best friend. Something to this day I regret. <br />I moved jobs, moved town and decided early twenties was the time to be taken seriously. I wanted you in every way. Not part time, not “friends with benefits” not an ego boost when your latest fling has flung. So I didn’t contact you. At all. No calls, no visits, no nothing. It took a couple of weeks but you must have missed me because you called me and left a voicemail that to this day was the happiest voicemail I’d ever gotten. You’d actually noticed I hadn’t been around. It’s so pathetic to me now how overjoyed I was to have this little bit of acknowledgement from you! And be actually GRATEFUL for it! But I was. If I could have saved it forever I would have. I just played it over and over again. Maybe the wait was over. You’d missed me! And I’d missed you too. You were my best friend, my soul mate, my potential husband as far as I was concerned. There was never a single question in my mind we would be together eventually. You just needed to get your laddish ways out of your system and would come to me when you were ready.<br />We went for a drink to catch up and it was the best drink I’d had in ages! There was no one else in the world as far as I was concerned except you and I. And I really thought it was the turning point.<br />Sadly after that drink, we lost touch. I don’t know why, or how. But we did. I used to try calling you but you wouldn’t answer (we didn’t have caller ID in those days either but probably did have 1471!) I eventually gave up. I had to face if you wanted me, you would have found a way to contact me.<br />I met someone. We hit it off and got quite serious quite quickly but I always thought of you and would send birthday cards, Christmas cards with updates on how things were.<br />I found out you were in a relationship. It kind of hurt. You’d never been the “relationship kind” hence why we had always remained friends. And you’d got with her very soon after our drink. But I was happy in my own relationship and put it down to that’s how things should be.<br />Something happened to me that brought my world crashing down when I was too young to really deal with it. And from then my luck seemed to go from bad to worse. A scary health issue, loss of someone close and then the breakdown of my relationship within a few months was enough to make me almost housebound. I just couldn’t believe how my life had changed so quickly, so drastically and so horribly. So I wrote to tell you about it. And you called me. You were concerned, and it was like again, no time had gone past.<br />We talked about everything and anything and I realised how much I’d missed you. You were still the one for me. But you had a relationship now, and she did not agree with female friends. You said it’s because she knew the bond we had. And at the time I believed you. She knew we had a past and was not happy with any “ex’s” hanging around, although technically I wasn’t an ex. You’d managed to duck out of ever being my boyfriend. <br />After that conversation you promised to keep in touch. But didn’t. But being me I called you a few months later. You took down my phone number and turned up at my house. I couldn’t believe it. I was so excited to see you, but looked a mess! You’d turned up out of the blue! And I was just slobbing around at home. I was mortified, and still am at that memory. I only ever wanted you to see me looking perfect!<br />The following day was my birthday. You asked if we could meet and you’d take me out for the day. I could not have been happier. I cancelled all birthday plans, got up early and got ready for our lunch date. Which never came. Or the call. To tell me you couldn’t make it. I tried you, but no reply. I think I pretty much cried the whole afternoon and evening. How at the age of (23/24) could I be so stupid. I even blamed myself for looking crap when you turned up and that’s why you never came back.<br />And that’s when I heard that you guys had been having problems. But had sorted them. Again I’d been just an ego boost. And was heartbroken. Again.<br />You got in touch again about five years ago. I still don’t know why. I was just happy you had. We spent some great days together, went shopping, partying and had an amazing time. Until you vanished. Again. Without a word. There was some cross words from me but you didn’t care. You’d had your relationship break. And maybe because I wasn’t as young and naive as I was and didn’t jump into bed with you, you didn’t see the point of hanging around!<br />We saw each other now and again after that. But I pretended to have not seen you. Every time I see you my heart flutters and my stomach fills with butterflies. I go dizzy and worry I’ll either be sick or pass out. No one else has that effect.<br />You got in touch again about three years ago. Via the wonderful world of social networking. I didn’t believe at first it was you. But it was. You said how you drive past my house often and consider knocking on the door, you thought about me all the time, you thought about me whilst travelling, and I (cautiously) lapped it all up. Didn’t dare ask myself why if you’d felt so strongly you hadn’t got in touch. I was just happy to have you back in my life again. And felt happy my patience had paid off because I knew EVENTUALLY we were meant to be. And this was the time. <br />You were newly single. You wanted to meet up all the time, I couldn’t have been happier. Gone were years of wondering what had happened, why hadn’t you been in touch, why her not me? When we’d had such a “bond” I just thought that you’d got your senses back and realised it was me you were meant to be with after all. To me there had never been any question that we would end up together. And I was sure this was it. But cautious. And took it very slowly. Obviously too slowly!<br />We went on proper dates, something we’d never done before. And I tried to ignore the fact you always told your ex every time you were seeing me. Knowing the reaction you would get. I’m assuming she made you feel as bad as you make me feel. And who get a rise out of her but me. Sadly I realise that’s the only reason you had for contacting me. You wanted a reaction from her. You were hurting, and didn’t care how it would hurt me.<br />You talked of our bond, we talked about the past, we talked about relationships, and travelling the world and places we’d seen, and you talked of a new recent relationship that wasn’t to be and you realised that now. <br />But then the L word came up. And you seemed genuinely surprised that I had felt that way about you? In your memory you seem to think you hadn’t know how I felt? But looking back now. I know you did. How else did you know no matter what I would always be there for you to pick up the pieces? To be your backup plan when relationships went wrong? How else would you dare pick me up and drop me the amount of times you have over the years if you hadn’t know I felt that way about you?<br />After our discussion of the L word, you predictably vanished once more. You were confused, and apparently me telling you how I’d felt all those years ago had confused you more. You needed a break from relationships after your break up, and that was understandable. And as much as I wanted to be there for you, mainly for my own selfish reasons, I couldn’t be a stop gap or a bit of fun. I could be your friend, or I could be your girlfriend. I could not be your friend with benefits. And I couldn’t risk being that. <br />So you vanished. I didn’t hear a word after hearing from you daily. And it hurt. Again. A lot. And I had absolutely no one to blame but myself. And still don’t. It doesn’t matter how I feel about you. How to me you’re the one, and I knew that as soon as I’d met you in our teenage years. And no matter what anyone else thought, or said, it made no difference. I would move mountains to be with you IF I really felt you wanted to be with me.<br />But to you I will always just be a backup plan. A last resort. The reliable, predictable girl who waits in the wings to catch you if you fall. <br />I think you’d be amazed at the things I’ve accomplished whilst you’ve not been speaking to me, and not bothered to ask about when we have caught up. I’m not the girl I once was, and I guess in a way I can thank you among others who have done me wrong for the strength I’ve found in myself to build my own life independently. <br />I bumped into a mutual friend a few months after not hearing from you, and asked how you were doing. And heard about the girlfriend you had. Who you had had probably when we’d been meeting. Like the last she obviously had something I didn’t. More fun? More danger? Or just more what you’re looking for. I don’t know. But I knew then what I’ve probably always known. You will forever make me jump through hoops, wonder what I did wrong, analyse the last conversations we had, wondered what I could have done differently, and how such soul mates can be apart, tell me about the “bond” we have, yet never have any intention of fulfilling the dreams I had for you and I. It wasn’t that you weren’t ready for another relationship. You just didn’t want one with me. And this has always been the case. <br />I will always wonder why when the feelings I have for you are so strong, that my pull towards you is so strong how it can be that we aren’t meant to be? That the feeling of love at first sight perhaps was only one way? And the years of “bond” were just one sided?<br />To me you were beautiful inside and out, and everything I would want in a partner. I would have been happy with you for the rest of my life. But you would never been pinned down. By me. Others have managed it. So it’s time to face, I’m just not the one.<br />You contacted me Christmas day. A short and sweet message, with a reference to the past but when I replied I heard nothing. You just test to see if I’m still around for you. And I always am. Like the predictable love sick puppy you have known me to be, but claim you didn’t know the extent of my feelings.<br /><br />So. For 2012 I have to let this go. Fifteen years after we first met and as sure as I am for my feelings for you, I have to know they are not reciprocated. And you will always fall back on me when you need to because I allow you to.<br />You know how in love with you I am, you have always known. It’s how you know you can treat me the way you have and I’ll always be there when you come back.<br />I may never feel about anyone how I do you. I may never find that bond with anyone else. But I also don’t have it with you either. Not when it’s a one way street.<br />It makes me sad to think we’ll never be in each other’s lives again, but for myself, I have to make sure we’re not. <br />Typically there are ex’s from my past who constantly get in touch to see how the land lies and if we can try again and I feel for them, because I know how it feels to know the person you are supposed to be within your heart and mind doesn’t feel the same. And it hurts to know how I feel about them is how you feel about me! <br />But I have spent months and years analysing why you’ve behaved how you have and I’ll never know! I just don’t have what you need out of a girl and that’s ok. I will just have to be more open to the fact there are men out there I can have a bond with and who will love me back! And if there isn’t anyone out there for me, that’s ok too.<br />I wish you all the best. And from what I’ve seen you are very happy. And I hope you are. I hope you treat her well and appreciate you have someone in your life who feels the same for you as you do them.<br />It doesn’t matter how many people despair of my feelings for you, and why I would chase after someone in their eyes “not good enough” to me you are perfect.<br />I will always love you; you will always be my soul mate and male version of me! You will always make me smile, and I will never know why I wasn’t enough for you. You were my best friend, and no one wants more for you out of life than I do. I will miss you every day. But I can’t be your fall back any longer. I’m better than that.xxxcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-46839714869987810462011-12-25T12:52:00.000-08:002011-12-25T13:12:09.889-08:00Single at Christmas<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTq9ND5RpCcPYE87VC6Ir26P-pjnu0G6p_ir1H599HuJHR0bMzOV77I1j4yks-8CPZVir9UfQy2-JLGbo4gbWZc-sfp6KTrG1O-w32I5Uk5__Fat7Cp_mBCyRrQQU4kTxLgnUsVCMPc1A/s1600/mani+pedi.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTq9ND5RpCcPYE87VC6Ir26P-pjnu0G6p_ir1H599HuJHR0bMzOV77I1j4yks-8CPZVir9UfQy2-JLGbo4gbWZc-sfp6KTrG1O-w32I5Uk5__Fat7Cp_mBCyRrQQU4kTxLgnUsVCMPc1A/s320/mani+pedi.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690176800029921970" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwnpa-ypHieWSVNrSEeR9WnqFyC-E7fCAuGVLUALqkYAQLf9Od1Q69SqxLYF0yAFSm0QNyJcGVIvt4Y5Qo2OSfphqjbIUyFt6dJr0sRUwKXTS8e8TfT6tnqWpzwBdZqpqkmp7Fqtpe0es/s1600/choc.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 308px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwnpa-ypHieWSVNrSEeR9WnqFyC-E7fCAuGVLUALqkYAQLf9Od1Q69SqxLYF0yAFSm0QNyJcGVIvt4Y5Qo2OSfphqjbIUyFt6dJr0sRUwKXTS8e8TfT6tnqWpzwBdZqpqkmp7Fqtpe0es/s320/choc.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690176706629350130" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE14fEa9Nt7l3ssdBWsX1ccZpto3Yn9GTRjmuasDB5MCWww_nxSQTGXBsEjbs2Hhd4a810Ex6QeXeujY-ex1cyQlVmui6q1TkCnuR25Kip6cTbSLAvIxsDFt23qxaUVEQofyH7n8MKjk0/s1600/chocoholic_milk_selection_roll1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE14fEa9Nt7l3ssdBWsX1ccZpto3Yn9GTRjmuasDB5MCWww_nxSQTGXBsEjbs2Hhd4a810Ex6QeXeujY-ex1cyQlVmui6q1TkCnuR25Kip6cTbSLAvIxsDFt23qxaUVEQofyH7n8MKjk0/s320/chocoholic_milk_selection_roll1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690176443088749922" /></a><br />Merry Christmas one and all! I hope today has been a joyous day of family and loved one time and hopefully some yummy food and presents :)<br /><br />This year was the first year I woke up alone. I have always stayed over at my families Christmas eve or lived with someone. It was strange!<br /><br />Now normally I am thoroughly enjoying single life! I love the freedom, the independence and drama free lifestyle! But today it felt....kind of weird!<br /><br />I felt as though it would actually be nice to wake up next to someone? nice to come home with someone Christmas eve and eat more food you dont really need! And watch Christmas TV.<br /><br />I dont know. I've been single for three years now. (wow) And honestly have not done very well on the dating scene (some their fault, some mine.....but mostly theirs!);)<br /><br />And I woke up thinking of someone from the past, and sent a Merry Christmas message. Its always been unfinished business, and honestly? I really dont know why I did it. But I got one back. It just didnt make me feel any better at all! And just makes me look and feel like I'll never let that one go! He's one of those people that you message then wish you hadnt even if he does reply because it will never be the reply you want!<br /><br />I think there's one person in everyones past that has the ability to make them feel that way!<br /><br />I've not really felt lonely very much until now. I've not ever worried about being single until now. But suddenly it feels like.....will it always be this way? Will I always be single now? Is this just how it is!<br /><br />I have to be completely honest here and say I dont make much effort to meet men! I mean I go out with friends of course! But I want to see my friends! Not hook up with men. And the rest of the time I'm either working or sleeping after working so hard :) Which I also love by the way! Or visiting friends at their houses. I'm not big on the pub/club scene anymore. <br /><br />So maybe you cant have it all? I have a job I love, a place I love, friends I love and that should be more than enough! I've been chasing a job I'll love for so long I shouldnt be feeling miserable about anything!!<br /><br />Maybe its just Christmas time. And everyone is home with their boyfriends and families and I come home to an empty flat? But I have a lovely family I spent the day with and can now slob out giving myself mani pedi's and watch chick flicks eating chocolate! I guess there are some bonuses ;)xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-49606527796201385492011-11-13T12:17:00.000-08:002011-11-13T12:31:36.634-08:00Do we get what we deserve?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK4utZ0zXWAz9vFwUGNGMwQf9Ubw4VeivNIp-YvzAv-21guGrMJ-t43KgEjOrNzSHrm72EonBDLPbQfszzVVUhhqK_tE2-gH5ff43n0yPORpK4jpbqwxSzBOjqR7GUNlqdR9324slUFQo/s1600/karma1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK4utZ0zXWAz9vFwUGNGMwQf9Ubw4VeivNIp-YvzAv-21guGrMJ-t43KgEjOrNzSHrm72EonBDLPbQfszzVVUhhqK_tE2-gH5ff43n0yPORpK4jpbqwxSzBOjqR7GUNlqdR9324slUFQo/s320/karma1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674580745732301058" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4kdQ2vvAlQgOuvGc5Cl11_hUi6ZEKMJ-HxJDuIrY1YrfOMMhgxcj87w5mYUrl-FZ8jSm9d-us7Q8YH6R2EuWPi8WOlxiEfzUwzV8FXVKYp-KRPb74s8DqifSQOKGxVMZyfrOqsg9tSGM/s1600/karma.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 261px; height: 193px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4kdQ2vvAlQgOuvGc5Cl11_hUi6ZEKMJ-HxJDuIrY1YrfOMMhgxcj87w5mYUrl-FZ8jSm9d-us7Q8YH6R2EuWPi8WOlxiEfzUwzV8FXVKYp-KRPb74s8DqifSQOKGxVMZyfrOqsg9tSGM/s320/karma.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674580629950372354" /></a><br />Apparently if you live well, honestly, treat others how you would like to be treated, work hard etc, you will lead a happy and lucky life hopefully. <br /><br />So how can it be some people go through life completely selfless, work hard to take care of their family, do nothing but give give give and get nothing back?! Like the universe just gives them constant slaps in the face!<br /><br />It baffles me how some lie cheat and manipulate their way through lives but get all the luck in the world, yet others are so kind hearted, so giving, so trusting, so nurtuting and get nothing but bad luck.<br /><br />I wish I could turn this person in particulars luck around I really do. I cannot possibly understand why the universe has sent so much bad luck their way continually through life! But I can only hope perhaps new year, new start? And luck will change??<br /><br />I truly hope so, they deserve all the luck in the world.xxxcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-25559525629891112212011-10-11T06:05:00.001-07:002011-10-11T06:35:09.133-07:00My dog-My best friend<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8LNYcXvM4m_dpHW1IWUC94EskeRuL4LC47aXSwjmuCKoNUxx7nRqIMc3voRPbFGF5brBSPrWYvAGCaY02JZtnFkzj4wRVTXFAT1jzqjOOVf_3eSrwPFbt8v_3lzzUFMNuIOwejOl733Y/s1600/Sand+Paw+Prints.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 212px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8LNYcXvM4m_dpHW1IWUC94EskeRuL4LC47aXSwjmuCKoNUxx7nRqIMc3voRPbFGF5brBSPrWYvAGCaY02JZtnFkzj4wRVTXFAT1jzqjOOVf_3eSrwPFbt8v_3lzzUFMNuIOwejOl733Y/s320/Sand+Paw+Prints.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5662227623751522834" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnehkJ9qsgG41r2_0Agy21qVGSS_BBCw0HKzPeMCl34YWBBzDtCC-6ohz0tti0uvKtmlKdw8QyOS-Ob7kyeGJ-Bq2BLT2vBJ5GEmLyytZdVilMY9ncTEnf3TTX6HuRqwvzetEBRjJgsAY/s1600/paws.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 166px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnehkJ9qsgG41r2_0Agy21qVGSS_BBCw0HKzPeMCl34YWBBzDtCC-6ohz0tti0uvKtmlKdw8QyOS-Ob7kyeGJ-Bq2BLT2vBJ5GEmLyytZdVilMY9ncTEnf3TTX6HuRqwvzetEBRjJgsAY/s320/paws.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5662227537948517522" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj80g7F24QF1L3D63u781SBlk9LnJgBKPNVepPD0_5qec3Me5vzdTeVlKt7B9N5WWk71beTdq-GURcnZEy_nQFf6-hUhASomCyYnbJKTv1hQGJIaSZ9ApH1bnOD9f2g6FjwbA08ns6SDOQ/s1600/pawprints.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj80g7F24QF1L3D63u781SBlk9LnJgBKPNVepPD0_5qec3Me5vzdTeVlKt7B9N5WWk71beTdq-GURcnZEy_nQFf6-hUhASomCyYnbJKTv1hQGJIaSZ9ApH1bnOD9f2g6FjwbA08ns6SDOQ/s320/pawprints.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5662227463701262034" /></a><br />I cannot begin to explain the amount of heartache and pain I am in at this moment in time.<br /><br />When Tilly* came into my life I knew the moment I meant her she was meant for me. An instant bond you could say. She was the cutest, funniest little character I had ever come across! My heart just melted!<br /><br />She continued to be the cutest and most hilarious character the older she got. When she first arrived she was a timid soul, and petrified of men. A year in she was running the household and bossing everyone around with her "doggy" demands! It was comical to watch, and I believe only other pet owners can understand the personalities these animals take on!<br /><br />We are not an emotion showing family. We don't hug, we don't say I love you etc. It doesn't mean we don't FEEL loved! We're just not all about saying it. But she changed all that. We couldn't shower her with enough love because she was a cuddly dog, she had to be with someone, couldn't sit without sitting on or next to someone, she was the most affectionate dog I'd ever known and she made us that way. She brought us together with our shared love of her and sharing the comical things she had done that day or when we hadn't been around. <br /><br />When I or another member of the household was ill she would not leave your side. At all! She would park herself on the end of the bed from first thing in the morning until mum got home in the evening when she'd jump down to greet her and shepherd her upstairs to visit the poorly!<br /><br />She would greet all of us when we got home as if we'd been to war and she never thought we'd make it home! She played, entertained, snuggled, amused and was always centre of attention.<br /><br />At times I snapped at her, for barking, or whining when not necessary. I was even embarrassed of her at times when she was the only dog that wouldn't sit nicely at the vets, or howled outside the shop while we waited for mum to come out, or whine in the car because she was so excited to get wherever we were going, or sneakily run off when I just thought I'd got her when out running in the fields to terrorise other well behaved dogs (much to their owners disdain! Luckily she was only usually as big as the other dogs paws)but no matter how much she had been told off, or if you'd snapped when she really probably hadn't deserved it but you were having a no patience day, she loved you anyway. She loved all of us, like we were the most amazing beings she had ever met. Complete unconditional love. No matter what had gone on in your day at work, at home, personal life, she was there to pick up the pieces. She would just sense your upset and sit for hours, she'd even lick the tears from your face. <br /><br />She was tiny but she was loud, sounded like an elephant was upstairs and had no manners just cheek! She had endless dog beds but the only beds she ever slept on were ours! And despite her tiny frame somehow we ended up huddled in a corner whilst she spread out across the rest! <br /><br />She melted the hearts of everyone who met her. By everyone she was loved. You couldn't help it! She was a comedian in a cute dog disguise. And now my heart is broken because she was taken from us far far too soon. Although I'm sure no matter when she had to leave us it would never have been her time as far as we were concerned.<br /><br />After becoming ill such a short time ago, and us and her amazing vets trying every treatment possible she passed away peacefully yesterday at home with my mum at her side. I could not make it back in time, but take solace in the fact she was with someone who loved her as much if not more than I, and having spent all of the previous evening with her I hope she knew how much I cared.<br /><br />To not be able to return the favour of never leaving her side while she was ill was heartbreaking. But being a human not a dog it isn't possible! We have to work to keep these amazing animals and I just so hope she never felt cheated she'd looked after me so many times over the years and I couldn't return the favour as much as I wanted to.<br /><br />They say life goes on. And it sure does. But ours is so empty now. So quiet, so dull, so bland, and we've lost the little beacon of love we had in our home that kept us all together. I feel almost like I wont know what to talk to my family about now she's gone as I'm sure she is all we've ever talked about since she arrived.<br /><br />I hope she knows how unbelievably loved she was, and will always be. I hope we made her an inch as happy as she made us. I never knew such love could be possible until I had her in my life. <br /><br />She was never a tie, never a burden, she was a joy and I am so sad that she became so unwell and had to leave us but thank god that she did not suffer for long and was in no pain. <br /><br />She knew how heart rending the decision would have been for us if we'd had to make it and she made it for us. I just wish we could have had her a bit longer, I wasn't ready to let her go yet.<br /><br />I know people will think "its just a dog" and will never understand the loss we feel but I can only say to think that, you have probably never had a pet. They make a house a home. And we will be so lost and empty without her.xxxcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-13954935601748774492011-07-31T02:57:00.000-07:002011-07-31T03:11:47.523-07:00Friend or foe?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLHjOr7MyhMhSX9fXSgcZ1c-AoDcuQtESDLVwybg1BTm9M_yeyPwnvat_e82pVeynkPc0tgyeXkbRCpBtjwg0sABR8qr3UQM0XKastYOL8XsR57bfOSiyDbRgvSBEIs91RPs3j1OjIswA/s1600/Bitchin.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 212px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLHjOr7MyhMhSX9fXSgcZ1c-AoDcuQtESDLVwybg1BTm9M_yeyPwnvat_e82pVeynkPc0tgyeXkbRCpBtjwg0sABR8qr3UQM0XKastYOL8XsR57bfOSiyDbRgvSBEIs91RPs3j1OjIswA/s320/Bitchin.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5635456921962207650" /></a><br />Friends are supposed to be the support network you turn to in times of need. But what if they turn into the people that cause the upset you need support through?<br /><br />Last night I received a txt from a friend that if she had had all the facts she would not have sent, and beings she didnt have all the facts uspet me more because it could have potentially been bad news.<br /><br />It was of course regarding the previously mentioned pull and push boy! And the fact he was spotted out on a date.<br /><br />My friend was not to know I had advised pull and push boy to push off for good over a week ago. So the manner in which this txt came through, smug, condicending and almost overjoyed at delivering the said news was nothing short of hurtful.<br /><br />I couldnt care less about pull and push boy, as I dont spend time dating men who arent quite sure if they want to date me or not, but I do care that my "friend" thought we were dating and chose to tell me in the way that she did that apparently we werent!<br /><br />I cant understand a "friend" who would find it funny to deliver possible bad news. She apparently thought we were a couple! So is that really the way you would tell a friend that you have seen their "boyfriend" on a date with someone else?<br /><br />I have made many excuses over the years for her behaviour towards me, her bullying, her cattiness, her put downs, and everything else inbetween. We have been friends since school and its "just how she is" but recently the excuses arent even washing with me.<br /><br />Waking up sad over a boy is unfortunately sometimes normal when dating....you meet a lot of frogs on the way to the prince, but waking up sad over a friends behaviour? Is not ok.xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-63609521975283974882011-07-23T01:17:00.000-07:002011-07-23T01:30:29.066-07:00Dating - the pull and push game!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi7MvKQe8-b6tZU8dedkpjF2AssZDK-n4JMao9vWOW_YT6KCN2gZ3iiX8wSD3DehVUky1eGJfHj91zlYgmdv5GYXSm5Ho5QOrxi5JMu3StMAQp87WWZM5-ClHYGFoehX6kKUcjyMb-ivE/s1600/funny-pictures-cat-ignores-your-phone-call2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi7MvKQe8-b6tZU8dedkpjF2AssZDK-n4JMao9vWOW_YT6KCN2gZ3iiX8wSD3DehVUky1eGJfHj91zlYgmdv5GYXSm5Ho5QOrxi5JMu3StMAQp87WWZM5-ClHYGFoehX6kKUcjyMb-ivE/s320/funny-pictures-cat-ignores-your-phone-call2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5632462299960233874" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYkkerdq7o31kqeZIX9ZLN2D0btph75s3frV7r_OZKQcxvaMJU2_x4Gxb5jzBDgJp82BRmN-eLOvCSGX455ZuEXxyEQPcHU9pj7PGmUOeEbUki4JNf1Bfu_mzN4oEOLpzTYSqZ_B5zgyI/s1600/confused.gif"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 255px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYkkerdq7o31kqeZIX9ZLN2D0btph75s3frV7r_OZKQcxvaMJU2_x4Gxb5jzBDgJp82BRmN-eLOvCSGX455ZuEXxyEQPcHU9pj7PGmUOeEbUki4JNf1Bfu_mzN4oEOLpzTYSqZ_B5zgyI/s320/confused.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5632462058405640114" /></a><br />And i'm not talking about some weird sexual game! I mean why do men do the pull you in then push you away game?! Its SO frustrating and so unnecessary!?<br /><br />They either like us or they dont? Surely its that simple?! How can it be any more complicated than that?! Yet they make it more complicated!<br /><br />Is it because they dont know if they like us really? (In which case dont use the pulling in tactics of how much you like us! Are thinking about us etc) or does someone else catch their eye? Or they want to keep their options open and thats why they push away suddenly?! Its random!<br /><br />I bumped into a guy I used to date MANY years ago! When we were much younger. We've ran into each other a few times over the years but have always been in relationships. This time we were both single! So we swopped numbers and said we'd catch up. Before I'd even made it back to my desk he had txtd, and continued to txt the whole day. He txtd the next morning how he couldnt stop thinking about me etc etc blah blah you get the lines! But then went quiet leading up to our date. I just assumed he'd gone off the idea...or worse....probably hadnt been single after all! And right on time evening of the date he cancelled because of "work" <br /><br />Not a problem, it was expected!<br /><br />I didnt hear for a week or so then he reappeared again! Txt txt txt, keen keen keen. Just so bizarre!<br /><br />We did eventually meet up, then met up four times afterwards. Always went well, had a giggle, no awkward silences, cheeky snog at the end etc and his txts inbetween got flirtier and cheekier. The vanished again! (yes getting boring now)<br /><br />He does work a lot and does work shifts but as far as I know still has the same phone he uses when hes keen and txtn all the time from yes...the same job miraculously!<br /><br />So I gave it up as a bad job! I dont play games! I dont have time for it! If a guy liked me he'd let me know? Or at least be consistent. So that was that.<br /><br />Oh apart from some 3am txts asking if I was up a few times which needless to say were ignored!! <br /><br />I then went on a girls night, he was in a bar nearby and heard we were out so turned up (crashed) with some of his friends and blatantly came over and asked me why i'd gone so cold and "not interested"<br /><br />Is this boy serious??!!<br /><br />I explained that as far as I was aware I hadnt changed, but when someone doesnt reply to my message or call I dont keep trying?! And he'd left it weeks APART from 3am txts which of COURSE would be ignored as I am not, nor ever have been a booty call! He looked sheepish at that and apologised for those saying he was drunk, and hey havent we all done that at 3am. <br /><br /><br />He had no excuse for his random vanishing acts. He tried a lot of them though! work.....(would be valid if he messaged on the four days a week he has off!!) ex's.......work again......the past.....he'd been ill....blah! No solid concrete reasons! but said he felt it had been going well and had really enjoyed where it was going so would like to start again. Seemed fair enough. (stupidly!)<br /><br />And fair enough after I left he was messaging, and the following day and days after and a date was arranged for this weekend which he seemed, at the time, really keen about. But you guessed it! In the days leading up to the said date he's gone silent again!<br /><br />So. Again. What is with the pull and push game! WHY come out to crash girls night to sort things out (apparently) just to vanish again at the last minute! Why be ridiculously over keen then vanish?! Is it a commitment phobia thing (i'm guessing yes) is it a juggling too many girls he cant keep up thing (possibly but its not like after 4 dates we're "exclusive" its ok if he wants to date other people!) or is it just he's a douche! (definitely!) <br /><br />We have a history, there is absolutely NO reason why he cant be honest with me! And I told him at the club if he's decided we're better off "friends" that is totally fine!! Just because you like hanging out with a female doesnt mean you have to date them. We got back in touch, we caught up, it doesnt mean we have to date! We CAN just be friends! It's ok! <br /><br />So needless to say if this date is cancelled I wont be arranging anymore! I dont think its too much to ask for consistency?! Maybe this is why I dont date often!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-13770618194146290102011-06-18T05:00:00.000-07:002011-06-18T05:15:09.486-07:00How do boys do this????<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi23Ca6mTKuoPgI-7sF299W0iHOINHJYjZOFYromMvmx0jEgEtf9hJbXyURAi7fbsLyulRjD-6kAUc2bDpoEoEHY0CYFPc_YSJedDZ4tvrV9ngf5fsQMWs9Fy0x00Ng87-Jg9k0PvnnDMU/s1600/phone-call1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi23Ca6mTKuoPgI-7sF299W0iHOINHJYjZOFYromMvmx0jEgEtf9hJbXyURAi7fbsLyulRjD-6kAUc2bDpoEoEHY0CYFPc_YSJedDZ4tvrV9ngf5fsQMWs9Fy0x00Ng87-Jg9k0PvnnDMU/s320/phone-call1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619531503319265602" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWTVu0busiE9RQWriK_W0jk42WD8ZLhHCr0gVvFdCDdSQgscpdoyb74pL3ztXptAAW9XPSMoYZ9oLQ6VT76qkkvb8rCklL2PEb01FqMo2xdSbcmn6jGBKftk5HAQ9NQsGHNVabwOt9QeY/s1600/scary_stalker_girl_by_mystique84-d2xg1ek.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWTVu0busiE9RQWriK_W0jk42WD8ZLhHCr0gVvFdCDdSQgscpdoyb74pL3ztXptAAW9XPSMoYZ9oLQ6VT76qkkvb8rCklL2PEb01FqMo2xdSbcmn6jGBKftk5HAQ9NQsGHNVabwOt9QeY/s320/scary_stalker_girl_by_mystique84-d2xg1ek.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619531376137635602" /></a><br />Please tell me how boys can turn sane, independent, confident, self assured women into nutbars! Seriously!<br /><br />I have been having this conversation now for the last week or so with various girlfriends who are currently on the dating scene. <br /><br />Now let me tell you these girls are amazing! And not just because they're my friends! They really are! They are gorgeous, independent, self assured, confident, succesful women! They are beautiful, intelligent and so much fun to be around. Yet when a boy arrives in their lives. It turns them into turmoil!<br /><br />He said this what did it mean? He txtd I replied but he didnt txt back? He txtd me everyday then stopped, he's answered someone on facebook but ignored me etc etc etc!<br /><br />Now my girls THANKFULLY know not to go all crazy chick and start harassing these poor guys to death! (Well....so they tell me ;) ) but we all agreed we can seriously see how some may convince themselves its the way to go!<br /><br />We have "rules" which may seem pathetic and childish! But I think are to gain some control! Rule one never txt first! Hence the hours, days waiting for txts! Some think there are no rules now! Just txt! etc etc! But we have a theory that if you're the one to do all the chasing in the beginning, you will end up being the chaser throughout. <br /><br />But HOW do these boys arrive in our lives and cause such chaos! And confusion, self doubt! Make a confident girl suddenly check her phone every 5 mins for a txt, IM, BBM, email, FB message ARGGHHH! too many ways to be contacted nowadays!<br /><br />But all in all the waiting around, wondering, butterflies, expectation is pretty fun :) xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-2849317361587435952011-01-29T04:24:00.001-08:002011-01-29T04:46:26.529-08:00Why do good people suffer?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2TNV_RMXMjWx2tYeIeWLMYt4vq6SpIrk9B_UE1vEIqYp8-U-ity-EkhSVGdi_RtfqeIVnLN_aW_fmuwJBKc9Uni8hOAFC5qngH-irt2eGil5Mis62BcTUfI_4cUwpAJ1xF-BX-72dsws/s1600/sad-puppy-762581.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 304px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2TNV_RMXMjWx2tYeIeWLMYt4vq6SpIrk9B_UE1vEIqYp8-U-ity-EkhSVGdi_RtfqeIVnLN_aW_fmuwJBKc9Uni8hOAFC5qngH-irt2eGil5Mis62BcTUfI_4cUwpAJ1xF-BX-72dsws/s320/sad-puppy-762581.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567588211130799842" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl_3CFUEW2KcRnk_cxqrmOqUq0abbz4oS0DjgkidM3jB8yqws5lRXoizXXLaCHpiyOnMvMDJ2GwN70gC53x7yRs4LzDZx5kcep7Ucid78OnKtG4hqcF-SLaOwb0ajg_7HtB0dn7Lu4w28/s1600/sad1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 318px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl_3CFUEW2KcRnk_cxqrmOqUq0abbz4oS0DjgkidM3jB8yqws5lRXoizXXLaCHpiyOnMvMDJ2GwN70gC53x7yRs4LzDZx5kcep7Ucid78OnKtG4hqcF-SLaOwb0ajg_7HtB0dn7Lu4w28/s320/sad1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567588125826473874" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4j6-lhNfKR2HDSq6M6MjPdBYLf2H61inZwZN1lkCIux90HYikueiqwzdEQlWnCaAWXtICklalI0DqjgVhfQMXafBgRwjA4NFsq6Iaqszw9WBYZ7MnugtJuPLTRsIZ7w28P0fh6_dBycc/s1600/sad.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 249px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4j6-lhNfKR2HDSq6M6MjPdBYLf2H61inZwZN1lkCIux90HYikueiqwzdEQlWnCaAWXtICklalI0DqjgVhfQMXafBgRwjA4NFsq6Iaqszw9WBYZ7MnugtJuPLTRsIZ7w28P0fh6_dBycc/s320/sad.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567588009522577826" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhektlJzcWqTWIhFaHYGlMyJir_bPMSHX5nk8QTo56kX8xmA9E2aIbrMlu2y8SNYVr5M0mx0xiz2fQ3uOABlTlLrIJWA3xbjkc6WlgaN3J5OFxBXtfUioQu_dqH2erLbL8Fdg_yGFH8cHU/s1600/FML.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 254px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhektlJzcWqTWIhFaHYGlMyJir_bPMSHX5nk8QTo56kX8xmA9E2aIbrMlu2y8SNYVr5M0mx0xiz2fQ3uOABlTlLrIJWA3xbjkc6WlgaN3J5OFxBXtfUioQu_dqH2erLbL8Fdg_yGFH8cHU/s320/FML.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567587883067587234" /></a><br />It has not been a good start to the weekend. At all. And I wonder why it is some people work all their lives, pay their way (and struggle to) and still nothing gets any easier.<br /><br />I just cant understand why. And it makes me angry and sad at the same time. Especially when there's nothing I can do to help. <br /><br />My Mum has never had an easy life. Ever. The stories she tells me from her childhood make me so sad. And her adult life wasnt much better either. And I hate it, and hate that she still has to struggle to this day.<br /><br />Typically she has been sitting on something big. That has no doubt been worrying her to death as she doesnt want to "worry us" with it. I thank the lord and anyone watching over us it is nothing to do with health, and hope and pray it never will be. It is only about money.<br /><br />It is easy to say "only" about money because money is well....as I say! Just money! We can face it and hopefully come to some kind of solution although at this point I cant see one coming easily. But at least thats all she's been hiding, it isnt life or death. <br /><br />My brother also is another who struggles. He on the other hand has not always been an angel which he will readily admit. But he has changed his ways, and the way he lives his life yet still attracts bad luck at most corner.<br /><br />He was out of work for 18 months. Something I know many of you have or are going through at the moment and my heart goes out to you it really does, there is nothing worse than wanting to work but not being given the chance to.<br /><br />But he started a new job, which he thoroughly enjoys and a few weeks in, his van is broken into. And its not the first time, its the 5th.<br /><br />Nothing of any worth would or is ever left in any of his vans. He knows better even if he had any! But he doesnt work with tools, if they had a brain cell between them (the thieves) they would realise that by now.<br /><br />Its not his fault, everyone knows its not but if it keeps happening its his job thats in jepordy. When he is just trying to make an honest living. And its not a massively paid living at that. It seems so unfair.<br /><br />We have a meeting on Monday to try to resolve mums money problems. I just wish she'd let me in sooner. Dream house may be a pipe dream at the moment now. We shall see. <br /><br />I hope this is it but as they say it comes in 3's xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-36131099688567087532011-01-29T04:03:00.000-08:002011-01-29T04:20:33.264-08:00Excitedly/Impatiently wating!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8KYDpZa8J-vWI0Hvkv-zAayGtqL3Mv_BvZGc-jIeqqbLhYmbhm9MvaHDI2fXSQq_OijrV8QdQE9lRUf6u2nZ9zIRwR8pILmrLzcFYN301hoR9Kmg-qy3WB8Jwn2FXXGdQGjbrshII3KE/s1600/waiting.gif"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8KYDpZa8J-vWI0Hvkv-zAayGtqL3Mv_BvZGc-jIeqqbLhYmbhm9MvaHDI2fXSQq_OijrV8QdQE9lRUf6u2nZ9zIRwR8pILmrLzcFYN301hoR9Kmg-qy3WB8Jwn2FXXGdQGjbrshII3KE/s320/waiting.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567581505658629762" /></a><br />I wasnt planning on moving until May time (aka known as.....when credit cards are paid off) but somewhere has popped up that if it works out...is too hard to say no to, and basically I'd be mad to for the sake of a couple of months!<br /><br />But it is all I can think about, I dream about it, obsess about it, plan about it! I know everything I would put in every room I dont think I've ever been SO excited about anything before! <br /><br />This will be the first time I live alone. completely alone! And part of that is scary, and part of that is EXCITING! The first time I moved out was with girlfriends, the second time with my partner at the time. This time its just ME and I cannot wait!<br /><br />This particular place is slightly more than I was expecting to pay BUT is also slightly more (ok a lot more) than I was expecting to get! It is so perfect for me! And the first place I have considered that didnt give me that sicky, knot in the feeling nervous stomach. I feel like I would honestly feel at home there!<br /><br />I wont know until Monday. It has been an agonising wait as I found out about this place before christmas. The excitement has more than built since then!<br /><br />And everyone tells me...if its meant to be! And yes...the older I get the more I do believe this admittedly. As looking back anything else that didnt work out...worked out for the best in the end. I'm just so excited! And think I will be greatly disappointed if it doesnt end up working out!<br /><br />3 more days to wait till I find out!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-55038669612669522922011-01-05T03:46:00.000-08:002011-01-05T04:02:07.408-08:00This is not the new year new me I had planned!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig8tdHAqIpOzBDTF8q1L5htAzOgzdDGDUjfvdN_5AX4cE5BoSOPT_fJcqQ6NdAjNO_ES1a5Z9DKIC10wywCqHLgZRVndYXZvXrHGDA3kWHspubipVF6sLQTYCQjSK9P9SC2MMnh_x4az0/s1600/power+dress+6.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 187px; height: 269px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig8tdHAqIpOzBDTF8q1L5htAzOgzdDGDUjfvdN_5AX4cE5BoSOPT_fJcqQ6NdAjNO_ES1a5Z9DKIC10wywCqHLgZRVndYXZvXrHGDA3kWHspubipVF6sLQTYCQjSK9P9SC2MMnh_x4az0/s320/power+dress+6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558670877096895426" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmQvUmDGQrof-wOMw3TzHg1sUVpBnU1OZ5H4n5Cl1enQ_IhXs24Uv9XiZ2hS71iypnifMQ7Blj9Pu_F5IcfMnEUm1gwjgy7084r-jCnbivEX4uKxh7vPgoeVxmRAIJ_m5EgEPozudE2qg/s1600/power+dress+4.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmQvUmDGQrof-wOMw3TzHg1sUVpBnU1OZ5H4n5Cl1enQ_IhXs24Uv9XiZ2hS71iypnifMQ7Blj9Pu_F5IcfMnEUm1gwjgy7084r-jCnbivEX4uKxh7vPgoeVxmRAIJ_m5EgEPozudE2qg/s320/power+dress+4.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558670713444198162" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPiSFqjMzL9cHlOrLRngysXLqXEXUZ1TwEEK2KU16n_dp3blq5WXjlqFi_c_B752eUvAV38fPCiuwq3A8-5tz9yAoMjrBmFAUIjcSd9HMgpctphti2STrUvvIh-vE_0yFMrzboyRZ9jPw/s1600/power+dress+5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 135px; height: 176px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPiSFqjMzL9cHlOrLRngysXLqXEXUZ1TwEEK2KU16n_dp3blq5WXjlqFi_c_B752eUvAV38fPCiuwq3A8-5tz9yAoMjrBmFAUIjcSd9HMgpctphti2STrUvvIh-vE_0yFMrzboyRZ9jPw/s320/power+dress+5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558670622635596338" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6PJYIXLxXS7Qx3x9daxwXQeSVR8di5blyJVEr2HK2R7T3ouZDLAcS-8S9KQqu12I1qvBBsQL17ujTWivFLhfbhYFU2hoV6TPGdbD-LvytDb6BVaSgErWR7VFrsbuHauHTN8Nmxf3TT0/s1600/power+dress.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 165px; height: 305px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6PJYIXLxXS7Qx3x9daxwXQeSVR8di5blyJVEr2HK2R7T3ouZDLAcS-8S9KQqu12I1qvBBsQL17ujTWivFLhfbhYFU2hoV6TPGdbD-LvytDb6BVaSgErWR7VFrsbuHauHTN8Nmxf3TT0/s320/power+dress.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558670125530090418" /></a><br />I was so into making the New Year my professional bitch! I really was.<br /><br />I was promoted last year but due to the circumstances, and health issues I was unable to make the most of it I feel.<br /><br />We have new people now at work, fresh eyes, fresh ideas and keen. Exactly how I was when I started all those years ago, and I don't want to lose that!<br /><br />I have been promoted yet haven't been making my mark! I haven't been dynamic, forceful, out there stamping my name over everything and its time for that to change!<br /><br />I have always been a fan of the power dressing (fashionably of course!) And plan to keep that up all year round, not just Mon-Thurs and slob on a Friday!<br /><br />I bought a professional (and rather expensive) diary/organiser. It already made me feel more empowered! I had read up on all the latest updates emailed through and planned to continue to do so instead of being too busy to update myself and filing them all for a "non busy period" that never arrives!<br /><br />But then....completely unplanned for the day before going back to work I feel unwell. Then really unwell! Then in pain, voice goes and hey presto am unwell!<br /><br />Urgh!<br /><br />This does not go with the new power dressing, Filofax carrying me!!<br /><br />I lost my voice and can barely speak without coughing and smell of Vicks vapor rub and cough syrup.<br /><br />Day two of the "new start" and I am advised to stay home :(<br /><br />After my horrific sickness record last year (from an ongoing issue that is being taken care of by the hospital) number one on my priority list was to clean that record UP and be reliable/dependable like I used to be! Everyone relied on me and COULD! The beginning of last year I was an unreliable, crumbling "patient" as someone described me!<br /><br />I am sad my new start didn't get off how I'd planned. I guess all the best laid plans never think to encounter health! I am dosed up to the eyeballs and hoping to be over it soon.<br /><br />Maybe next Monday can be my "new start" its only a week later after all!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-91554492753804276192011-01-05T03:35:00.000-08:002011-01-05T03:45:29.134-08:00Love and the New Year<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipel5EdKy8frs5u_n0Xsnc6OvZAX4RXJqpbnGUwryb-O6WAl_lC_L5dsIFnm9TeV5EbvU1_UoHXwmNjGfTgUxLHQ7AoEAMj3PRir3MWv0jaAX0rQYELCC1ESURAw4f83knIi076QTyeEQ/s1600/dating5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 224px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipel5EdKy8frs5u_n0Xsnc6OvZAX4RXJqpbnGUwryb-O6WAl_lC_L5dsIFnm9TeV5EbvU1_UoHXwmNjGfTgUxLHQ7AoEAMj3PRir3MWv0jaAX0rQYELCC1ESURAw4f83knIi076QTyeEQ/s320/dating5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558666608610452818" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMVlNCv9r0jd1pcreAObO876sDlPGEsqBX-Kg1zoDMPNu2Y6e_cltO94o52pqJl_7KXnuUypDRVDzchiRzrTzB2zBzLWwmm941hjKcsRfT2TNkT8qxA0HIF3IY0AXdHGoEWglkQELFsQc/s1600/dating4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMVlNCv9r0jd1pcreAObO876sDlPGEsqBX-Kg1zoDMPNu2Y6e_cltO94o52pqJl_7KXnuUypDRVDzchiRzrTzB2zBzLWwmm941hjKcsRfT2TNkT8qxA0HIF3IY0AXdHGoEWglkQELFsQc/s320/dating4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558666552196913058" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoGPDhroAREft-OKbtXoUFcEE0A-mKkRdo-7AeFpC0JW_PcOhM5Z7X17XDI9JMqyCnyAxDK2TRaY2Wht7clOpoEpvV1UPZ_GWI95BLtx5l1Slmj7_0o4kK2hozBNKZKB0YeWaQCwjxiM/s1600/dating3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 254px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoGPDhroAREft-OKbtXoUFcEE0A-mKkRdo-7AeFpC0JW_PcOhM5Z7X17XDI9JMqyCnyAxDK2TRaY2Wht7clOpoEpvV1UPZ_GWI95BLtx5l1Slmj7_0o4kK2hozBNKZKB0YeWaQCwjxiM/s320/dating3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558666492574026562" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxvx5E1OmY3JcKYp3mWDlscvRyL6qiUeY3bVvvgdTiOig-pNtCtmWRea-sP-LvhtrAiWZWNHqfCQI0UdaxUMc4_nYi_mEJBgdgfbj5WM6-ao5pEU_rmGzmET2vjkzw3T5BU7rSsqJYYbw/s1600/dating2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 306px; height: 165px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxvx5E1OmY3JcKYp3mWDlscvRyL6qiUeY3bVvvgdTiOig-pNtCtmWRea-sP-LvhtrAiWZWNHqfCQI0UdaxUMc4_nYi_mEJBgdgfbj5WM6-ao5pEU_rmGzmET2vjkzw3T5BU7rSsqJYYbw/s320/dating2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558666419060529522" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSZGhVnC38oRifuBmyyeRsDmitwM_6Lx4vqn7hwwGwjpC1QSGNwv0YHGGYlftvDLfb3QKsCvFThnaJtQ5yTzMjiSL-LMMzFNacM3NrVQFw07UDt1in_7NW331qMM_aXOJiG-RUNaEF1yc/s1600/dating.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 232px; height: 218px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSZGhVnC38oRifuBmyyeRsDmitwM_6Lx4vqn7hwwGwjpC1QSGNwv0YHGGYlftvDLfb3QKsCvFThnaJtQ5yTzMjiSL-LMMzFNacM3NrVQFw07UDt1in_7NW331qMM_aXOJiG-RUNaEF1yc/s320/dating.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558666359817292578" /></a><br />When you are single...or maybe not just when you are single! You wonder if this new year is the year you will fall in love. You cant help it!<br /><br />The last two years have proved fruitless on that score! With minimum opportunities for dates! (Average of two a year! This is not good)<br /><br />But my studies are finally over, which means more space for a social life.<br /><br />Especially as I am house hunting also. As much as I cannot wait to live on my own (literally cant wait!) you cant help but wonder if it will be long before the house/flat of your own will eventually be shared.<br /><br />Its not that I'm actively seeking to be honest. I'm not on dating websites, and don't go out on man hunts! But I feel...different. I feel like I am open to the idea now that there is someone out there for me.<br /><br />I'm not sure what has brought this change on. Maybe time? Maybe a conversation with my ex over Christmas where I realised he has not moved far on since we split and I emotionally have. To me the chapter of "us" is closed. To him it isn't.<br /><br />A friend of ours didn't help by saying she couldn't help but hope that one day he comes back to sweep me off my feet and we live happily ever after.<br /><br />I too have this imaginary image of being swept off my feet and living happily ever after....but the man in the image ...it isn't my ex.<br /><br />And maybe that's another thing that has forced me to think about falling in love again. To prove he isn't the one?! To prove I did do the right thing? To prove there isn't settling or just nothing? <br /><br />I don't know. But whatever the difference is I like it! Its a less bitter and twisted version of myself who now feels ready for dating, and flirting and meeting people. We shall see how long that lasts of course ;) xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-13025116877914230922011-01-03T10:13:00.000-08:002011-01-03T10:21:52.972-08:00Dreams<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Snl4jJp5LokvaiDzTT7K-_U7wastVr1lqLq5Ycb391FIy_Vn9vJ-xvkoDCw3eBz-8ZArbG3lXxDQOP9rS5lxSv4jV5CKSeaqQ82AYUT0XhBFe9Z5rb49Gq7oRd58GK5T9QrfGn4YQOA/s1600/dreams2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 275px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Snl4jJp5LokvaiDzTT7K-_U7wastVr1lqLq5Ycb391FIy_Vn9vJ-xvkoDCw3eBz-8ZArbG3lXxDQOP9rS5lxSv4jV5CKSeaqQ82AYUT0XhBFe9Z5rb49Gq7oRd58GK5T9QrfGn4YQOA/s320/dreams2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558026586753584066" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipCt3f5mN64SK2j3RIGJv10kwga0_QdiH1SK8xdbx4nSe3ozeP3AF1OGDSTNLWqpix41eP8y-z58mWm85gSeLL92hNk8HRsZSMj_9-qI9Jhk_Re8j2Z1_88Mp9bRs-XAxENutimzg-ZK0/s1600/dreams.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 262px; height: 192px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipCt3f5mN64SK2j3RIGJv10kwga0_QdiH1SK8xdbx4nSe3ozeP3AF1OGDSTNLWqpix41eP8y-z58mWm85gSeLL92hNk8HRsZSMj_9-qI9Jhk_Re8j2Z1_88Mp9bRs-XAxENutimzg-ZK0/s320/dreams.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558026488835913522" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFLMkmJD1NbWsls-8zXbpqinyCzWTf-XNnuZNACNWJlQkqezJGaJL2iEBMEUXXOAK3w5epNO2e276tVqkwdyjcBaMShMhsJUNgeoPJy8BRuGZibk8nJrz4aLyRKOIFoKJuWoX5ve1lDRY/s1600/dreaming.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 251px; height: 201px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFLMkmJD1NbWsls-8zXbpqinyCzWTf-XNnuZNACNWJlQkqezJGaJL2iEBMEUXXOAK3w5epNO2e276tVqkwdyjcBaMShMhsJUNgeoPJy8BRuGZibk8nJrz4aLyRKOIFoKJuWoX5ve1lDRY/s320/dreaming.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558026432395166242" /></a><br />I find it so funny that you can not think of someone or something at all for months or even years. It's not longer a factor in your life then a dream of this person will come up and it throws up all the old emotions, feelings, fears, desires. A simple dream that you have no control over, that means nothing (as much as you may want it to!) and that was subconscious.<br /><br />The dream can be as short as a few seconds, it can be just a glimpse of this person or thing but it can turn your emotions completely upside down so that you are once again wondering, wishing, reminiscing.<br /><br />And theres nothing you can do about it. It was a dream! It meant nothing even though it appeared to? even though it seemed to be trying to tell you something or convey a hidden message. Even though it was so lifelike and real it MUST have been trying to tell you something!<br /><br />You wait...in case it did! In case it was a psychic vision of something to come? Of someone that will get in touch, of old emotions being stirred up for not just you but them too. But nothing comes of it. Just stirred up old memories that you thought you had long forgotten and emotions you thought had been shelved.<br /><br />Its impossible to believe that when this person or thing has not been on your mind at all, in anyway shape or form for the longest time that it doesn't mean anything when they pop up in your dream. That it isn't a sign or in insight of what could be? Why else would your unconscious brain bring this person (or thing lol) back into your thoughts and dreams?<br /><br />Hard to understand and accept its for no reason at all.xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-19022301663701417322011-01-02T10:41:00.000-08:002011-01-02T11:01:25.444-08:00New Year New Year<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5jVsDBWQfD06QDyeAvahHhsLcOc-dOy-z43ikwgX4Tv7PamTKnqN_SEn3zeh4vVyxu3lYezs7tle6UBmnfXtGwrj1TRBkXLXnRunhLUK-GNVxUUbeYv_z9kiMMXj-MORDoDI5DW4oe5E/s1600/new-year.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5jVsDBWQfD06QDyeAvahHhsLcOc-dOy-z43ikwgX4Tv7PamTKnqN_SEn3zeh4vVyxu3lYezs7tle6UBmnfXtGwrj1TRBkXLXnRunhLUK-GNVxUUbeYv_z9kiMMXj-MORDoDI5DW4oe5E/s320/new-year.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5557665269611450290" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOC4dbQC8rhseYBExOK-yiaLAOVtVWT3vQsSad50OLzcZ9AfRr-HiAC36p0XDvw-KD0u0WI9M_p1e0i4_8oxAxj_-wm0F8Fs99Jv8mfaIu_bET2SSHpLiHUmlnM_4td6O88I3F4EYTeuw/s1600/newyear.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 253px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOC4dbQC8rhseYBExOK-yiaLAOVtVWT3vQsSad50OLzcZ9AfRr-HiAC36p0XDvw-KD0u0WI9M_p1e0i4_8oxAxj_-wm0F8Fs99Jv8mfaIu_bET2SSHpLiHUmlnM_4td6O88I3F4EYTeuw/s320/newyear.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5557665176167767618" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOZaRAqdGylgZlSKBBtEX4Fd_WflBlzKZc4JegfeR-IereZtUQPxz9IyMhXB11Qh7zI4GBPA64xYVGrY1ZmzRLO8enfHCLyQ1_oPCIVolDrd9MlIyQZJ2gOUuHPfH87DEGyMZqjoPwcY/s1600/happy-new-year-20111.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOZaRAqdGylgZlSKBBtEX4Fd_WflBlzKZc4JegfeR-IereZtUQPxz9IyMhXB11Qh7zI4GBPA64xYVGrY1ZmzRLO8enfHCLyQ1_oPCIVolDrd9MlIyQZJ2gOUuHPfH87DEGyMZqjoPwcY/s320/happy-new-year-20111.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5557665065766605794" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiczUOsbg7NsDdz2V5sEbOUNmC3XesT3bMBitnGP5l_ZtfoHlloSGwRaLDOeqmKIEQXxfI06RJ2nH6OShD1z-LXyBzsT9o8XSiyGrf4E7xPg6aMH3zCbjXx2gwxbzHN8tBSjJaxS7pIJiE/s1600/happy_new_year.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 228px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiczUOsbg7NsDdz2V5sEbOUNmC3XesT3bMBitnGP5l_ZtfoHlloSGwRaLDOeqmKIEQXxfI06RJ2nH6OShD1z-LXyBzsT9o8XSiyGrf4E7xPg6aMH3zCbjXx2gwxbzHN8tBSjJaxS7pIJiE/s320/happy_new_year.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5557664984387868066" /></a><br />Well. Happy New Year firstly to any readers I may have! And I hope it is a good and healthy one for you!<br /><br />How did it come so quick??! I cant believe 2010 is over already! It seems crazy to me all my plans for 2010 have been and gone! And I don't actually have that many for 2011 yet! A strange yet nice feeling!<br /><br />I feel as everyone does at New Year I need a change. But I don't yet know in what form.<br /><br />So far the only change I plan to make is to finally move into my own little place. It was looking very good a while ago for a gorgeous Victorian house nearby but there are some hold ups and was told to expect to hear in January. So...fingers crossed I do!<br /><br />A new job? Maybe. I have been at my current role three years this year. And I still love it I have to say. I still feel like its new! I don't dread going (well anymore than anyone else when the dreadful alarm goes off in the morning!) I love the people, the work, the challenge and variation. But having qualified in my field I'm not ruling out a new position if it became available and if it were right for me. To get me to move would take a pretty good opportunity! But I'm open to it.<br /><br />Friends. Well. Sadly I am feeling rather neglected from friends as late. And its not a nice feeling.<br /><br />It does stem from being single I feel. Many of my friends are now in couples, or at least dating someone. And seem to think that plans made with me are....I'm not sure? Definite? A commitment to do something the evening we arrange? I'm not sure! But three times this week alone I have been let down by two different friends, and one didn't even have the decency to tell me she was now out with her boyfriend and wouldn't be coming over to meet me as arranged. Had I not contacted her I'm not sure Id have heard at all. One friend even let me down for a man new years eve. Not even a current man! An ex. <br /><br />Its very disheartening to be cast aside by people you never would have cast aside your self.<br /><br />As discussed previously I'm sure I was in a relationship for just over five years. My friendships never suffered. If anything I worked harder to keep them going, and was always told off for doing so. I thought because he didn't want me to have friends. Now I feel slightly different.<br /><br />Its not the fact that they would rather spend time with boyfriends. One friend in particular he is the guy she is going to end up with. Without a doubt. So I completely understand of course she wants to be with him most of the time. But to make plans with me in case he's busy? Then not see me if he isn't? I don't think that's fair.<br /><br />She will no longer make forward plans with me. Only last minute arrangements when I'm guessing he's sprung on her that he's off out unexpectedly. Unfortunately (or not as the case may be!) I usually have plans by this point and cant make it at such late notice. I am then further ignored.<br /><br />It wouldn't be quite as hurtful if the joys of social networking didn't ensure we can see every ones conversations to everyone else without even having to delve for them! There they are as soon as you login! And she can make forward plans with other couples. Its just me she's unable to.<br /><br />So. New friends? Not quite as easy is it the older you get! <br /><br />Romance? Well judging by 2009 and 2010 this is not an option! I think I have safely decided that love isn't for me at the moment. I just don't seem to be in a place where I meet anyone I like and when I do it has turned out two out of three they have girlfriends (which they had not mentioned!) <br /><br />Its hard not to lose faith in love when you're single and see the way in which men are allowed to treat women (sorry women you do allow it once you're aware its happening if you continue to see them!) Anyone watching Mark Wrights antics on The Only Way is Essex will be nodding in agreement!<br /><br />Its also hard when you're no longer at an age you want to go clubbing, nor should be I fear! You don't have many girlfriends to go out with anymore as they have crazy work schedules, children, husbands etc. And when I do get to go out with the girls its been so long I want to catch up with them! I'm not interested in chasing men!<br /><br />Well they say when you're not looking they appear! So I'll keep you posted on that one! I've all but given up hope and accepted my shelf life :) (I shall have a rather fabulous glitzy shelf though I'd like to add!) <br /><br />Relocation? Along with the house and job situation there is also the acceptance that maybe I feel so blue and left out and on a shelf! because everyone around me has moved on. Be that with family, marriage, almost marriage, mortgages, careers, abroad. Maybe its time for me to move on? As in completely! My ex is always round the corner no matter what I do rearing his head to guilt trip me at any chance he gets and to ask if I'm making the right decision by refusing to get back with him! (yes) <br /><br />Everything I know is here, in this tin pot town and everyone seems to have found their place in it or moved on. Maybe its time I thought about doing the same?xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-9245038495670636752010-11-21T08:10:00.000-08:002010-11-21T08:43:26.818-08:00The Notebook! Have I had mine??<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGtDgfLGCaUjr93ajgGk3aTsBg8L5kWLo2yJtHeLrK8bwqDpEGwuvazWMpia8oCerHnFYGHYcopcCDtWDGB3hEf8_gVrknYMAZ6LM_QYWaAAbGcOMlOXDpb0rllgON7fEbXZmk59MGKG0/s1600/the-notebook-7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGtDgfLGCaUjr93ajgGk3aTsBg8L5kWLo2yJtHeLrK8bwqDpEGwuvazWMpia8oCerHnFYGHYcopcCDtWDGB3hEf8_gVrknYMAZ6LM_QYWaAAbGcOMlOXDpb0rllgON7fEbXZmk59MGKG0/s320/the-notebook-7.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5542044546042228706" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTLQrGFjr5UAorONbDky_fr0Gm2BY1YNfWKMccLkg1SxX4HDzOLKwtvvyhtstWfkJ-TnrDQFV3UM8RLAOTwg1y7cNzKrWgNxkJfrWqj7NvLIl-KWbRMl2zSwKZXthwo547olgOybPfFo/s1600/The+Notebook+-+Movie+Wallpaper+-+07.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTLQrGFjr5UAorONbDky_fr0Gm2BY1YNfWKMccLkg1SxX4HDzOLKwtvvyhtstWfkJ-TnrDQFV3UM8RLAOTwg1y7cNzKrWgNxkJfrWqj7NvLIl-KWbRMl2zSwKZXthwo547olgOybPfFo/s320/The+Notebook+-+Movie+Wallpaper+-+07.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5542044450014432066" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq60inBhzzPKldslIgCyE3yxzdBmG2eYrDkUi_SUDA22tvVW5ueGa6IA9_6gqAjFJYORCOPQN9kpepc5qHwZlSI39V-JLCQn4MoqK9clyWpT8apqYT8pBUdbXC2RUsijr-c55bi6INvLo/s1600/the_notebook_1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq60inBhzzPKldslIgCyE3yxzdBmG2eYrDkUi_SUDA22tvVW5ueGa6IA9_6gqAjFJYORCOPQN9kpepc5qHwZlSI39V-JLCQn4MoqK9clyWpT8apqYT8pBUdbXC2RUsijr-c55bi6INvLo/s320/the_notebook_1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5542044363915572818" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAFPSMJBtTk1fIx8GF4bdQuwo3t1zObk6wptiVYh7ABMeFmptIbw_ZSonIB9oZBUT3d0chUk8cCLw4iI3ZtaRjXHL3cGXMLonDHvkV85NAC-E1-v_NhLipvRSbBkAgtj2-LCI74BKzVKU/s1600/noah-the-notebook.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAFPSMJBtTk1fIx8GF4bdQuwo3t1zObk6wptiVYh7ABMeFmptIbw_ZSonIB9oZBUT3d0chUk8cCLw4iI3ZtaRjXHL3cGXMLonDHvkV85NAC-E1-v_NhLipvRSbBkAgtj2-LCI74BKzVKU/s320/noah-the-notebook.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5542044204870449170" /></a><br />Ok, so like most of the female population I love love LOVE the film The Notebook. I'm sure I would love the book too had I read it...which I haven't! (my bad)<br /><br />I even know a lot of males who love this movie! It's just an amazing story about an amazing love. If you haven't seen it DO SO IMMEDIATELY! Although maybe not as a first date DVD kind of film as men....I cant promise you wont get as emotional as the girl you chose to watch it with!<br /><br />Everyone knows this kind of love (I hope) if they don't they dream of it. The kind of love where you just need to spend every single waking moment with each other! Morning, noon and night. But you challenge each other enough to argue and fight, but make up immediately (and passionately!) afterwards!<br /><br />I have had this kind of relationship I am pleased but yet sad to say.<br /><br />Pleased that I experienced it. It was a love that I never thought possible. I honestly never ever knew love could consume you in such a way. From the moment our eyes met I knew he was going to be something...I didn't know what, I just knew he was special. And I still remember and cherish that memory to this day. He was leaving a building as I was entering and our eyes met and I knew.<br /><br />We were both in "relationships" and I use that term loosely as we were so young at the time! But they soon fell by the wayside as we got to know each other and eventually fell in love.<br /><br />We couldn't be apart, although on a few occasions we had to be, and it was torture, even a week away from him was more than I could cope with. We would talk for hours on the phone, we would write letters, we would be in constant contact as much as humanly possible!<br /><br />I had school, he didn't but would meet me on break times, if he couldn't I'd be so disappointed and my day would drag until after school when we could meet again. It was crazy!<br /><br />We fought, of course we fought! Worse fights than I've ever had with anyone I've ever known! But we always made up.<br /><br />I just couldn't be without him! He was my best friend, my boyfriend, my world, he was everything and I couldn't bear to be apart from him and he felt the same. We were both smitten and it was a lovely yet emotional roller coaster time!<br /><br />It makes me happy that I had this with someone, that I shared this with someone that I actually managed to allow myself to feel this for someone and open myself up to it. The good, the bad and the ugly! The loving times, the jealous times! The hurtful times, the changing times and the challenging times. There were so many ups and downs so many tears and tantrums but ultimately we loved each other more than anything.<br /><br />***SPOILER ALERT***We didn't part as dramatically as the notebook when she is forced away from him by her parents but it was no less painful I'm sure. We were together for six years rather than a summer! And we grew apart and had to eventually say goodbye. I still look back on it fondly despite any messiness at the end of two confused almost adults wanting to move on but being scared to. But I am pleased to say both of us have gone on to do many great things and he met a girl he will soon marry and we can look back and smile at the love we had back then, the two crazy kids crazy about each other! And it makes me happy I've had that in my lifetime, some will never ever experience that kind of love in their life and it is truly an amazing and special thing. You don't perhaps appreciate it as much as you should at the time? But later on its something you wished you'd took time to appreciate more as it happened.<br /><br />What makes me sad about the situation is....apart from the fact some may never experience this is that I already did? Does this mean I had my notebook love?? And its gone. Not that I'd want it back! Unlike Ally and Noah our love wasn't eternal, just the fondness was! But the relationships I've had since which admittedly were only two were nothing like the intensity I had with him back in those days.<br /><br />Perhaps its because I'm older? Perhaps its because I'm more wary of hurt, of the damage that can be inflicted on you from opening up to someone and giving yourself so completely or maybe its just they weren't the one? <br /><br />I didn't have the overwhelming urge to be with them all the time, I didn't even feel the need to see them every day! Is this because as I've aged I am more independent? Have I lost that innocence that allows you to be consumed by the other person completely? <br /><br />Its not that Id want to be in someones pocket 24/7 like when I was young! I do have a life ;) but i want the FEELING of wanting to be with them 24/7! <br /><br />And yes the notebook is movie love! And you cant expect movie love to happen in real life! But it does! For some people it really really does. I've had it, I've been there and it was amazing. And I appreciate having had this experience but am just sad that perhaps I experienced it so young and may never have it again! Its not something you can force, its not something you can push for, when it happens its out of your control and its amazing. You cant help but give in to it. And I do hope I have that again one day! But I guess I should just be pleased I ever had it at all.cosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-3559760314683152182010-11-14T09:40:00.000-08:002010-11-14T10:04:13.895-08:00Its a long fall from up there...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKtshvbN5CsgKici_zThvHVj2NVbX9NKTce07neVys-mO08muwwkwbTUg8N4OuO4RcWFfduhD-cxhUrSo6ow6P9VLiEnzmakA922Rp_uUP-142R40gBi9rO0hB_i8MXcPjJMZcpTgFqDA/s1600/bridget.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 158px; height: 218px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKtshvbN5CsgKici_zThvHVj2NVbX9NKTce07neVys-mO08muwwkwbTUg8N4OuO4RcWFfduhD-cxhUrSo6ow6P9VLiEnzmakA922Rp_uUP-142R40gBi9rO0hB_i8MXcPjJMZcpTgFqDA/s320/bridget.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539467755577894338" /></a><br />It is quite funny to me (not funny ha ha, funny strange) that I am still a single when some of my very close friends were married and are now being divorced. Funny in that they have done all that in the time I have....well not! Time has gone very quickly!<br /><br />And I'm sad for those friends now going through divorces and also their children having to endure the upheaval. Many of us have been there from the children's point of view. <br /><br />But what makes me even sadder than that are the "smug marrieds" and if you haven't read Bridget Jones to know what this means then please do! You're missing out! Its an incredibly funny book if nothing else!<br /><br />But I digress. <br /><br />Now the singletons of us all are more than used to the eternal questions at every opportunity those around us ask about our love life. "no man yet?" "not married yet" "HOW are you still single" etc etc etc. But the newly single especially recently divorced not by choice singles just aren't use to this concept. They are probably (if they're truly honest) used to being the question askers!<br /><br />But the people I really cannot understand are those who pose as "friends" of the newly singled/divorced...who have been single/divorced themselves therefore know of the torment it arouses, pushing newly found relationships in the faces of all but especially the newly singled in some kind of "I've won/you've lost" rub it in their face manner. <br /><br />I as a single am used to this kind of smug behaviour from those who have bagged a man and are in the honeymoon period and believe that this is "the one" and I don't begrudge their happiness one bit if its genuine! The smugness I do begrudge but that's another story! Luckily for me my nearest and dearest are not the smug kind! But I am finding increasingly these "smug" people are those that have been through messy breakups themselves and are homing in on the newly miserable singles!<br /><br />Is this a single/attached war? Have you really only made it in life if you have a man at your side? Does nothing else matter? Such as career, well brought up children, independent happiness if there is no man to share it with?<br /><br />I mean this excludes asking my grandmother as sadly no, a successful career, and numerous qualifications and graduations mean nothing to her unless a wedding is in the near future ;) but since when did people who are attached become so smug! And so....well mean! <br /><br />I am wary of becoming this bitter and twisted single who resents those that are attached and can speak of nothing without name dropping their boyfriend/husband at every opportunity, and who no longer have plans unless it is an event where they attend "as a couple" Those friends I try to continually love despite knowing they have given up any independence to be their man's lapdog basically! I know as time goes on they will drift out of my life because their life is now their partner and that's fine! Nothing wrong with that, some women are happy with that as are some men for that matter. <br /><br />But for those who feel they are better than anyone who is single? Who have been lucky enough to find love, or even find love a second/third time and forget how hard it can be being single, especially if single with children, or single with absolutely no choice in the matter, who's world has been turned upside down by the departure of their partner/love of their life (or so they thought) I would say be very very careful feeling "smug" , deliberately targeting newly singles to parade your new love and feeling that you have won some imaginary race in life because you never can tell what the future may hold, for any of us, and that rosy little bubble world you are living in, on the pedestal so far above the singles may one day be burst and come crashing down through no fault or choice of your own. And when it does....you will need those single friends to pick you up, dust you off and buy you a bloody big cocktail!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-12161505325045735032010-11-14T05:44:00.000-08:002010-11-14T06:13:37.439-08:00Men?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGIlG1OnZIR5D02OZu2CpCNwxJrkasPiYhycHUs6E3VflVCUtSj8QwFaEVMvEcUQLZEr_QWC61RpY8J_G9DlnLOKlGoWPU24gqD7pUM4XVnYvWv_fNtKteTVrICvBpcUMeT6J7tCuO5M/s1600/hes-just-not-that-into-you-.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 273px; height: 258px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGIlG1OnZIR5D02OZu2CpCNwxJrkasPiYhycHUs6E3VflVCUtSj8QwFaEVMvEcUQLZEr_QWC61RpY8J_G9DlnLOKlGoWPU24gqD7pUM4XVnYvWv_fNtKteTVrICvBpcUMeT6J7tCuO5M/s320/hes-just-not-that-into-you-.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539408359430491714" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha3LwQTLTGjb22npVBOSlMc8jbp1csDqEXZ8l0Om3CyRBnPB7nt9P7Gn0cXPSMgmenBf3J85l5qMIjdewoewExpxDOYezRU-y6acamGjHKgq-6rXY54QenY_eY21E1e-pbun6OGf94RBc/s1600/confused2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha3LwQTLTGjb22npVBOSlMc8jbp1csDqEXZ8l0Om3CyRBnPB7nt9P7Gn0cXPSMgmenBf3J85l5qMIjdewoewExpxDOYezRU-y6acamGjHKgq-6rXY54QenY_eY21E1e-pbun6OGf94RBc/s320/confused2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539408291907391154" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb6rc1c16HbjLaycVipRNCVKQuw9EZbv3LVRA_9DG-Ee8l8_b0GBJFu0fgujF_P42Qc0krMrmM4oCEf7_Wtlg9YQUypKiSA5DwVxtFPg9eSpUHwH4TvejrPt_HlZ8m9V473ui889Kc5zc/s1600/young-girl-perplexed-FC5206-206.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb6rc1c16HbjLaycVipRNCVKQuw9EZbv3LVRA_9DG-Ee8l8_b0GBJFu0fgujF_P42Qc0krMrmM4oCEf7_Wtlg9YQUypKiSA5DwVxtFPg9eSpUHwH4TvejrPt_HlZ8m9V473ui889Kc5zc/s320/young-girl-perplexed-FC5206-206.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539408150704079234" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaD3drKeW2H7bieNPUX_JA5_04_ba74VtfRPZffYA-Cuj_hhiKC8UYsYjbIMkF0vbrqCv6Jb4LJy2cHsdAKG_jISRz8QuiLFTNjVd__qVWds6r6QJENoUwDB5N_XkykUltLtiamyao7kU/s1600/confused.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaD3drKeW2H7bieNPUX_JA5_04_ba74VtfRPZffYA-Cuj_hhiKC8UYsYjbIMkF0vbrqCv6Jb4LJy2cHsdAKG_jISRz8QuiLFTNjVd__qVWds6r6QJENoUwDB5N_XkykUltLtiamyao7kU/s320/confused.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539408077913132210" /></a><br /><br />I guess I can be quite easily confused. But the main confusion usually comes from some kind of mixed message. And these mixed messages usually come from the male species I have to say.<br /><br />So. As we know I'm pretty much a man free zone. I would like to think its by choice? But also because I so very rarely meet anyone I feel a spark with. This again I hope explains my average of two dates a year. And I know many others in the same situation!<br /><br />But this year, after getting to a 3rd date (wow) realised that again my run was up for the year! As I sat across the table from this single, available, witty, intelligent, successful, good looking man I realised....there was no spark. <br /><br />Now. OK some people don't believe in sparks! But butterflies, "a feeling" whatever it is you should have in the beginning just wasn't happening! It was more a friend vibe.<br /><br />After discussing this with numerous girlfriends and a couple of guy friends it was thought its me making excuses! Backing out? etc. I knew deep down it wasn't and later on got a text confirming so! He hadn't felt it either. Phew! Relief. It wasn't me. But we will stay friends and meet for the odd drink, you cant have too many friends I find.<br /><br />So that's an OK ending? (apart from according to one of my girlfriends who feels I should have made more effort to force said "spark" on both me and him as clearly singledom is far worse a fate than forcing yourself to like someone you clearly don't!....lets not get started on that)<br /><br />So we went on our merry way. Then a few weeks later (after discussing further dates he'd been on) he begins to mention meeting up in a dating kind of context and that he had felt a "spark".....yes......after telling me there had been none???<br /><br />Now call me cynical? But I'm kind of thinking the dates he had gone on after ours perhaps didn't have as much flow? As we did have a lot to say! There was never any awkward silence which was great. But am I right or wrong in thinking he went on a few more and thought hmm....you know what? She wasn't that bad after all, maybe I should give it another go with that one?<br /><br />Who knows! Needless to say I wont be experimenting to find out! At the risk of being in singledom for life I'd rather not take my chances on a man I didn't feel a spark with and who may have a friend like mine telling him to force one!<br /><br />Then when I thought all was lost I met another guy. In such a short space of time is unheard of I promise you! And there was definitely a spark, literally from the moment he opened his mouth. He was lovely!<br /><br />He was classic good looking but so cute, well dressed and so NICE! I as I have got older am a sucker for niceness! I think its something you realise is attractive after endless "exciting....but they aren't so exciting a few years in" dramaous bad boy nightmares!<br /><br />I played it cool as I wasn't sure on his situation, but we had a lot to talk about and kept running into each other. And he then finally asked me for a drink! I was over the moon! And couldn't believe my luck that someone I actually liked liked me back?! (again its unheard of!) So I of course said I'd love to!<br /><br />Nothing. Zilch, nada since! And we've spoken! On the phone, via text, and in person! But no drink has been mentioned!<br /><br />So another wise friend (ha) said bring it up! You no longer have to wait to be asked! Girls can take the lead now.<br /><br />I feel this is desperate! Beings he already asked me, I already said yes, and he's done nothing about it means he's not interested?! I'm sure dating hasn't changed that much over the years we now have to literally throw ourselves at their mercy. But OK...gave her the benefit of the doubt, she is in a better position than I to advise being in a functioning relationship and all so I brought it up ADMITTEDLY by text. And i just got a kiss back in return. That was it. Again said friend was sure I needed to be more upfront, not hint at it but directly ask?<br /><br />WHY!!! I'd already said yes! Then opened up the topic again and by ignoring it had basically been shot down?! no???<br /><br />Well I ignored her (phew I hear some of you say!) and asked a mans opinion! (brutal but honest) and he had this to say "he was interested when he asked you, but since then something has happened to put him off, either another girl he's met in between or something you did"<br /><br />Hmmm! I had a feeling on the other girl front, don't like the thought it was something I did (probably looked as excited as I felt when I'd said yes to the drink!) but have to face facts it could well have been!<br /><br />But tell me this. Why cant men just be straight forward!! Women are forever being joked about for being obsessive, over analysing freaks! But we have to be! As we're told there is no spark....then few weeks later (perhaps because we agreed and didn't argue the point?!) there now is a spark! And are asked out for drinks...accept and then never mentioned again!!<br /><br />If you know a psychotic seeming female you should perhaps have a think at the confused mixed messages the poor soul is dealing with!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-27272917060320844752010-11-10T09:54:00.000-08:002010-11-10T10:00:45.272-08:00Never for me!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilrGyMK7PWx2W1DlVVAo5QtrdHpJM9U7dJW641fnr14KIJ-y6uxBDOSX4RAUlKFmaP7mAiSeLa4_KnJfKXPn8wqRDs570XxQH44dYko9GClfIh6rbLK5gfYiS1hWeThYYRMe_naLfEkVE/s1600/left+out.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 285px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilrGyMK7PWx2W1DlVVAo5QtrdHpJM9U7dJW641fnr14KIJ-y6uxBDOSX4RAUlKFmaP7mAiSeLa4_KnJfKXPn8wqRDs570XxQH44dYko9GClfIh6rbLK5gfYiS1hWeThYYRMe_naLfEkVE/s320/left+out.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537982545725068386" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMTYcRDff7J-kRb-Xfg9hdA2t_JjYkgCJiRh6YWVzgLfBZNr1yEe6VUkGjfLtCGYe13j_SEd78km5O0PLtgDrzFBHDu-JLa0JvgNQCUR5-8AbESYZaNG786A8lhJPYp4Tg1vP9WpVgmXA/s1600/third-wheel2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMTYcRDff7J-kRb-Xfg9hdA2t_JjYkgCJiRh6YWVzgLfBZNr1yEe6VUkGjfLtCGYe13j_SEd78km5O0PLtgDrzFBHDu-JLa0JvgNQCUR5-8AbESYZaNG786A8lhJPYp4Tg1vP9WpVgmXA/s320/third-wheel2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537982486184391426" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJFsQUNaOFTSYanAJvDqPPzfqIzjfH7gUOpbOxz_uiJZnBvPHbAdZYDoraFjlYfbKzs6RcGhhdF7Kwv3PTkZjawC1OBnJ2dKhXEYU9j-GAukZwMfgbZIuEzZU1gqqMFBz9QJC7wqwnc50/s1600/third-wheel.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 306px; height: 306px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJFsQUNaOFTSYanAJvDqPPzfqIzjfH7gUOpbOxz_uiJZnBvPHbAdZYDoraFjlYfbKzs6RcGhhdF7Kwv3PTkZjawC1OBnJ2dKhXEYU9j-GAukZwMfgbZIuEzZU1gqqMFBz9QJC7wqwnc50/s320/third-wheel.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537982400606198434" /></a><br />I am not wanting to sound like a bitter and twisted old hag! I dont think I am one! So definitely dont want to sound like one! But sometimes things happen to people and I have to think....why not me!<br /><br />It will sound unbelievably selfish when I write about this. UNBELIEVABLY! But its something I have to vent about. <br /><br />A friend of mine got a wonderful present today from her boyfriend of three years. Wonderful wonderful present. And PLEASE dont get me wrong! I couldnt be happier for her! she deserves it as she is as wonderful as the gift!<br /><br />But I have to ask myself...why is this never me?!<br /><br />Now ok..having a boyfriend would help! Of course it would!! But even when I do have partners I have never ever ever once had a partner that was thoughtful, or even after years together knew what to buy me.<br /><br />Now we are not talking expensive gifts. (although I'm only human....they wouldnt go amiss either!) but I mean thoughtful gifts. A token to show this person knows you as well as you know yourself.<br /><br />I am not a secretive person! Are many females I wonder when it comes to likes and dislikes. And I have never found out why when I am so vocal about likes and dislikes I never have someone who knows just what to get me! <br /><br />It's natural to be envious of those in loving relationships who's boyfriends continually spoil them with tokens of affection! But I have to ask...at the ripe old age of 30, when is my turn?!! If ever!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-67901893032935301412010-09-23T02:32:00.000-07:002010-09-23T02:54:43.811-07:00Mortality<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4jfUWJ0gRD_ApAlS5zNNBkV0-zwoW_Nok1_NuFNVw4g_jO2rewB_dkBlhebKSiawAGD_JQUY9AV3_t5pyEHop0ftszjm6REY8khVx_MER971JQOIRWcMEb4zK_4BzVXsjDCqkz1cfli8/s1600/questioning-terrier.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 264px; height: 277px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4jfUWJ0gRD_ApAlS5zNNBkV0-zwoW_Nok1_NuFNVw4g_jO2rewB_dkBlhebKSiawAGD_JQUY9AV3_t5pyEHop0ftszjm6REY8khVx_MER971JQOIRWcMEb4zK_4BzVXsjDCqkz1cfli8/s320/questioning-terrier.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520044847628480002" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYAtkLu7LkpFUNQuUrTaD2ZoPzk8HrQk50amNoyQqzIdauHR5HOxbQ2pKUvPzYWLo-irXGBTAhUzw_heGjtNfsBzljPNJ7iObMfGvCz13W68mpHrhOzjQ8QCaDILk7NfboYWlSk1LHPsM/s1600/questioning1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYAtkLu7LkpFUNQuUrTaD2ZoPzk8HrQk50amNoyQqzIdauHR5HOxbQ2pKUvPzYWLo-irXGBTAhUzw_heGjtNfsBzljPNJ7iObMfGvCz13W68mpHrhOzjQ8QCaDILk7NfboYWlSk1LHPsM/s320/questioning1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520044766270839250" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeumOzTeWxoxvK9TOC61C_67QTes0jNY9qRdnBfxjGNKm0XnzsayZ2Knm8qfk0eshx1r9e-YEy6hkgz8REoDL8nuigvLUzOJEkaDMY1QyQJWOVVYBHhQwa5zUsjxoUj06EDhM19DUMcaI/s1600/questioning.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 302px; height: 278px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeumOzTeWxoxvK9TOC61C_67QTes0jNY9qRdnBfxjGNKm0XnzsayZ2Knm8qfk0eshx1r9e-YEy6hkgz8REoDL8nuigvLUzOJEkaDMY1QyQJWOVVYBHhQwa5zUsjxoUj06EDhM19DUMcaI/s320/questioning.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520044681484332162" /></a><br />At some point in their lives everyone will be faced with the prospect of their own mortality. Whether it be the death or illness of someone else, or a possible life experience of their own.<br /><br />To an already hypercondriac person the word "biopsy" is never a good one. And to be honest, I doubt it is for anyone! <br /><br />The words "to rule out anything sinister" also do not instill confidence in someone who already thinks the worst.<br /><br />Although I usually lean towards anxiety anyway this time I have decided there really isnt much point! As if there is anything "sinister" its already there! Worrying and panic will not change it. Sadly! If either of these things did help I'd have cured the world of conditions by now!<br /><br />But it does have you questioning your life. Is it all you thought it would be, do you really live everyday like its your last?! Have you done anything you had always dreamed you would do should god forbid the absolute worst happen. (you will get used to my drama queen ways of thinking!)<br /><br />Who can live every day like its their last? Honestly? If you thought today was going to be the last day of your life ever would you have gone to work? Of course not! But can you live that way?? No! We'd never go to work for fear today was the end! ha! And wouldnt have any money to live never mind do the things we wanted to do before the end appears!<br /><br />It makes you question what you would do if you were in fact really unwell. Would you suddenly start cramming in lots of plans of travels? or see family and friends more? Jump out of planes? Would you go to church more because you really havent dragged yourself out of bed many times recently on a Sunday figuring god knows where you are and that you're thinking of him while you stay in your nice warm duvet! Should you start showing up now in case you are soon to join him?<br /><br />Does afterlife even exist?! Is there any concrete proof that scientists havent argued their way out of?<br /><br />It seriously starts your mind buzzing around with a lot of crazy stuff! But maybe some of it we should think about more often than if we get a shock to the system!xcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-27039517481235237352010-09-23T02:08:00.000-07:002010-09-23T02:27:27.874-07:00Internet dating<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv9GUmGcOEZRUkA2GtUp8IEz84QJHSMqtHjN2x9BbSITUs33uDkOZZ-jK8_cfh5vZ1Zusi8QdQxmBnuDO2lteO2uhlXqJpnsRPm4slwVgJWDg5pBjncQ3y9jwQxbGamyMR0G0sAapNSwE/s1600/internet-dating.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 204px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv9GUmGcOEZRUkA2GtUp8IEz84QJHSMqtHjN2x9BbSITUs33uDkOZZ-jK8_cfh5vZ1Zusi8QdQxmBnuDO2lteO2uhlXqJpnsRPm4slwVgJWDg5pBjncQ3y9jwQxbGamyMR0G0sAapNSwE/s320/internet-dating.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520037962151441394" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFAA5OngTWze-6drH5yjAodPuKPyQTW01XH9_vvpmaPXhQFg69r05wcHs2HGWHhC6teTxy2vmzBL72he_0sw2UpgHQcpSyHGDn5cysl1PZpS8pyYhgNhxI4SouS2x0QHEDe0Z12sQ4Og4/s1600/internet_dating2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 244px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFAA5OngTWze-6drH5yjAodPuKPyQTW01XH9_vvpmaPXhQFg69r05wcHs2HGWHhC6teTxy2vmzBL72he_0sw2UpgHQcpSyHGDn5cysl1PZpS8pyYhgNhxI4SouS2x0QHEDe0Z12sQ4Og4/s320/internet_dating2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520037891823400642" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI8KEeSvuvgZ8ZEOBXF8NlS9IhyphenhyphenuybiY-SYv2J0Ioegb35kXnk_Q61V9BBZzIcYhe33vOU-6M0BS1THcOcsu6tdk4cdQYAuTbGNouFgJPVtQvwEfFZwHEr6QN7K9Fjs5igOCznyt1QrYk/s1600/internet+dating+5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI8KEeSvuvgZ8ZEOBXF8NlS9IhyphenhyphenuybiY-SYv2J0Ioegb35kXnk_Q61V9BBZzIcYhe33vOU-6M0BS1THcOcsu6tdk4cdQYAuTbGNouFgJPVtQvwEfFZwHEr6QN7K9Fjs5igOCznyt1QrYk/s320/internet+dating+5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520037818968982882" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjScZJf5xmB-mbAJEiETM7pr9Q8ez_CXaHYHWlv4BV65N0In6bXuxrUnO75hsILypbdVB9DSbXXFeanZrjl8O5f1J5DjxPUOPdZXb98R18wslyVQNt9Rh6hRkHZTOx5Rd45b3Ujx75Yoxg/s1600/internet+dating+4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 304px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjScZJf5xmB-mbAJEiETM7pr9Q8ez_CXaHYHWlv4BV65N0In6bXuxrUnO75hsILypbdVB9DSbXXFeanZrjl8O5f1J5DjxPUOPdZXb98R18wslyVQNt9Rh6hRkHZTOx5Rd45b3Ujx75Yoxg/s320/internet+dating+4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520037745295575810" /></a><br />So we're told this is how its done now and everyone meets on line EVERYONE! And some of us even know people or friends of friends who met online and are now married, engaged, and blissfully happy.<br /><br />I am dubious of this way of dating.<br /><br />Firstly how do you pick a site? Do you pick the free sites? Does this mean you or they arent as serious about dating as those who pay? If you go to the paid sites will you meet any better class of Miss or Mr than the free sites? Do you go to ones only friends can write the profile for you? Do you go to ones who promise if you fill out ten pages of questions and tests to have your soulmate ready and waiting. <br /><br />Sure, this is what the internet is for now! Why should single people be confined to other singles in their social circle/small towns/work/local bars and so on's. And its no different to the idea of blind dating? Except you know what the person will look like!<br /><br />But personality wise? It is in fact blind dating!<br /><br />Yes you can chat via email/txt and even on the telephone. But that still does not mean when you meet in person the person you have had this so far technological relationship with will turn out to be exactly as you pictured them.<br /><br />How? Why? I dont know! You do your home work, you check out all the pictures possible (all those that have dared to be posted on line anyway which are usually the good shots....lets be honest!) and you've had numerous online conversations about your past, your present, your work, your friends, it's just so easy to open up online!<br /><br />You've spoken on the phone, chatting merrily away to this person you are building foundations with. But then you meet and just one thing can throw it all off. A laugh? A mannerism? Or just plain not having any chemistry once you are there in front of each other.<br /><br />It is baffling to know why. After you spent so much time building up a friendship at the very least! But I guess online is no substitute for the spark you get when your eyes meet across a crowded room, or a mutual friend introduces you to the most gorgeous human being you have ever had the fortune to come across.<br /><br />Nothing beats that! Not even a very good online picture!<br /><br />Theres also the fact of everyone online is looking for someone. Thats a given, thats what its for after all. And a very good device it is too for some! But I cant help but wonder. Do people really meet their soulmate online or is it forced?<br /><br />Yes yes I know this is a very cynical way of looking at things and I sincerely apologise to those who really did meet their Mr or Miss Right online. Truely! As of course with everything such as love at first sight....its got to be true for some people!<br /><br />But I cant help but wonder is it settling? Do people go out on numerous dates with numerous people until they find one they can just "be" with.<br /><br />Perhaps after date 3,4 or 10 they really do meet the one! Or do they just meet someone who's laugh doesnt grate right through them and are attractive enough they can picture a goodnight kiss!<br /><br />Everyone online is looking for "someone" and I'm positive many are looking for "the one" but in such a forced environment (everyone you go on a date with...as long as you adjusted your dirtbag filters accordingly!) is looking for the same thing you are. So if they choose you....are you the one? Or just the best out of the bunch they dated? Would you ever know?!cosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1066251616644535605.post-16037085818490534042010-07-31T02:47:00.000-07:002010-07-31T03:11:02.518-07:00The life of a hypercondriac<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixzy3h5eRrYHaQWzV84D6eTht661lOBtw8IWm0jEEP7o44zvTSFAJQ_6H_AOiVvC9a7dEyqu4E_aIN0sIWQhe_sEQCIUAiGyg2bZqqrn6Dtdr5UTDLJ5w_oIfmXJLVzs6nx3_vFuXV2zc/s1600/hypochondriasis-hypochondriac0.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixzy3h5eRrYHaQWzV84D6eTht661lOBtw8IWm0jEEP7o44zvTSFAJQ_6H_AOiVvC9a7dEyqu4E_aIN0sIWQhe_sEQCIUAiGyg2bZqqrn6Dtdr5UTDLJ5w_oIfmXJLVzs6nx3_vFuXV2zc/s320/hypochondriasis-hypochondriac0.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500010615179278354" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjABpzclXsXVTHHMXMFVmQO5rNqiK-kEKZJpygnuiv2TkLAteaT_ef03W3XrI88BMpHAQuOWslA3f1ea6D2xP-c_6X8uD64rVur4pkGqoZrT9XUP7wEDANE1PwfGARNzYCIdUdgzgKBeAo/s1600/miracle-cure.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 229px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjABpzclXsXVTHHMXMFVmQO5rNqiK-kEKZJpygnuiv2TkLAteaT_ef03W3XrI88BMpHAQuOWslA3f1ea6D2xP-c_6X8uD64rVur4pkGqoZrT9XUP7wEDANE1PwfGARNzYCIdUdgzgKBeAo/s320/miracle-cure.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500010493087034674" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_cyNqx3maJcG3HcbA8gLpNIMeh4mEmaATW3KEZGlqgnrsNcsvOeRx0y73yk_zmjE_DKXLg63vpLtwrAUJbJKGji-2p9XxQm_gL00ErOqQZyRz1tLR_Pz74p8ib-hjgbp1CCWBuK1RrOs/s1600/hypochondriac-woman3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 249px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_cyNqx3maJcG3HcbA8gLpNIMeh4mEmaATW3KEZGlqgnrsNcsvOeRx0y73yk_zmjE_DKXLg63vpLtwrAUJbJKGji-2p9XxQm_gL00ErOqQZyRz1tLR_Pz74p8ib-hjgbp1CCWBuK1RrOs/s320/hypochondriac-woman3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500010432816024738" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUIq9nVKjpGBlh0zCgAG6heb_jNdfYuxMHQA4fCCbAJBtNNdkP_D28we99-9BJr2WS6WsJk81uFgL698we7RaLjf2KeCjWcGvc6rCbwl9MybKeZawuM6k5R2Lk-A0S9h8jl558nX_yqMc/s1600/hypochondriac-woman2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUIq9nVKjpGBlh0zCgAG6heb_jNdfYuxMHQA4fCCbAJBtNNdkP_D28we99-9BJr2WS6WsJk81uFgL698we7RaLjf2KeCjWcGvc6rCbwl9MybKeZawuM6k5R2Lk-A0S9h8jl558nX_yqMc/s320/hypochondriac-woman2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500010374618273474" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFaIgqPaM-HXxscq6itX7pfVqyti_GBcAGSIvAgOcyqVSZDm3_ZQ84ixN8sA5ovNedZowdLCqZQdMPmzwyxwxxQM5jf-5H1xCczu5rgZezqRpes4530xHOrXrvhyuEFrLy_U1_Axg9RxM/s1600/hypochondriac-woman.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 180px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFaIgqPaM-HXxscq6itX7pfVqyti_GBcAGSIvAgOcyqVSZDm3_ZQ84ixN8sA5ovNedZowdLCqZQdMPmzwyxwxxQM5jf-5H1xCczu5rgZezqRpes4530xHOrXrvhyuEFrLy_U1_Axg9RxM/s320/hypochondriac-woman.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500010280628808946" /></a><br />I may have mentioned on beginning this blog that I have an issue with anxiety. This can sometimes vanish for years at a time and other times it is always at the forefront of my mind.<br /><br />I don't know where my hypochondriac tendencies come from. And is NOT an attractive trait to have. It's one that sadly cannot be hidden, as a hypochondriac requires constant reassurance from those around them. It is a very needy and very annoying (To those around them doing the reassuring!) condition to have.<br /><br />There has not been one day this last two weeks that I have felt well. Not one. And these have ranged from an actual condition I needed antibiotics for (OK...that one was fair)...to perceived side effects ...(from the antibiotics) to possible actual real side effects (But we'll never know as I am such a hypochondriac/drama queen), to concerns that the feelings were then not side effects but a symptom of something else...and so it goes on.<br /><br />Fellow hypochondriac's (as long as they realise that's what they are...some are in denial) will be nodding their heads very enthusiastically about now, those who are the strong "never ill" types will be rolling their eyes in disbelief that someone can worry over such trivial and pointless things.<br /><br />I have to agree with the eye rollers!<br /><br />In my line of work I deal with many health issues. (Others thankfully, not mine!) that range from hypochondriac's such as myself who are off with any small thing...toothache (that's fair, that can be horrific!) to being overtired, stress at work (welcome to my world) or headache/cold etc. Although not many people complain at colleagues staying home with colds as they are so contagious and awful when you catch one!<br /><br />But I also have to deal with people with genuine illness or conditions. Such as to name a few...diabetes, although not an illness as such but a condition that requires constant monitoring and requires the individual to be vigilant in how they take care of themselves and can greatly affect their day to day life. Chrons disease, another debilitating condition, and then onto cancer and the real life threatening awful illnesses and conditions.<br /><br />And here is the really funny thing. The people with the life threatening or life altering conditions I never hear a peep from. Not one. They never complain, they battle through immense treatments and appointments, exhaustion and whatever the day throws at them with such strength I can never imagine having within myself. I really cant. And I am in constant AWE of these people. Who battle to not only beat their disease (where cancer is concerned) and to stay alive in some cases, but still come to work! Still live their life! Still carry on as normal.<br /><br />They put me to absolute shame. They really do and rightly so. And it does stop me in my tracks to think of all the years I have panicked and worried over the smallest ache, pain or gripe and what it could be or what it means and how these amazing people are staring these illnesses in the face and saying screw you! <br /><br />Sadly it does not stop my hypochondriac tendencies completely. And that's my issue I need to deal with and learn how to let this go and stop wasting life worrying about "what if's" or maybe its just who I am and I wont ever change. Who knows. But I know, seeing these particular people I should know better.xxxcosmogirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04690686155162706777noreply@blogger.com1