It is quite funny to me (not funny ha ha, funny strange) that I am still a single when some of my very close friends were married and are now being divorced. Funny in that they have done all that in the time I have....well not! Time has gone very quickly!
And I'm sad for those friends now going through divorces and also their children having to endure the upheaval. Many of us have been there from the children's point of view.
But what makes me even sadder than that are the "smug marrieds" and if you haven't read Bridget Jones to know what this means then please do! You're missing out! Its an incredibly funny book if nothing else!
But I digress.
Now the singletons of us all are more than used to the eternal questions at every opportunity those around us ask about our love life. "no man yet?" "not married yet" "HOW are you still single" etc etc etc. But the newly single especially recently divorced not by choice singles just aren't use to this concept. They are probably (if they're truly honest) used to being the question askers!
But the people I really cannot understand are those who pose as "friends" of the newly singled/divorced...who have been single/divorced themselves therefore know of the torment it arouses, pushing newly found relationships in the faces of all but especially the newly singled in some kind of "I've won/you've lost" rub it in their face manner.
I as a single am used to this kind of smug behaviour from those who have bagged a man and are in the honeymoon period and believe that this is "the one" and I don't begrudge their happiness one bit if its genuine! The smugness I do begrudge but that's another story! Luckily for me my nearest and dearest are not the smug kind! But I am finding increasingly these "smug" people are those that have been through messy breakups themselves and are homing in on the newly miserable singles!
Is this a single/attached war? Have you really only made it in life if you have a man at your side? Does nothing else matter? Such as career, well brought up children, independent happiness if there is no man to share it with?
I mean this excludes asking my grandmother as sadly no, a successful career, and numerous qualifications and graduations mean nothing to her unless a wedding is in the near future ;) but since when did people who are attached become so smug! And so....well mean!
I am wary of becoming this bitter and twisted single who resents those that are attached and can speak of nothing without name dropping their boyfriend/husband at every opportunity, and who no longer have plans unless it is an event where they attend "as a couple" Those friends I try to continually love despite knowing they have given up any independence to be their man's lapdog basically! I know as time goes on they will drift out of my life because their life is now their partner and that's fine! Nothing wrong with that, some women are happy with that as are some men for that matter.
But for those who feel they are better than anyone who is single? Who have been lucky enough to find love, or even find love a second/third time and forget how hard it can be being single, especially if single with children, or single with absolutely no choice in the matter, who's world has been turned upside down by the departure of their partner/love of their life (or so they thought) I would say be very very careful feeling "smug" , deliberately targeting newly singles to parade your new love and feeling that you have won some imaginary race in life because you never can tell what the future may hold, for any of us, and that rosy little bubble world you are living in, on the pedestal so far above the singles may one day be burst and come crashing down through no fault or choice of your own. And when it does....you will need those single friends to pick you up, dust you off and buy you a bloody big cocktail!x
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