Men?

I guess I can be quite easily confused. But the main confusion usually comes from some kind of mixed message. And these mixed messages usually come from the male species I have to say.

So. As we know I'm pretty much a man free zone. I would like to think its by choice? But also because I so very rarely meet anyone I feel a spark with. This again I hope explains my average of two dates a year. And I know many others in the same situation!

But this year, after getting to a 3rd date (wow) realised that again my run was up for the year! As I sat across the table from this single, available, witty, intelligent, successful, good looking man I realised....there was no spark.

Now. OK some people don't believe in sparks! But butterflies, "a feeling" whatever it is you should have in the beginning just wasn't happening! It was more a friend vibe.

After discussing this with numerous girlfriends and a couple of guy friends it was thought its me making excuses! Backing out? etc. I knew deep down it wasn't and later on got a text confirming so! He hadn't felt it either. Phew! Relief. It wasn't me. But we will stay friends and meet for the odd drink, you cant have too many friends I find.

So that's an OK ending? (apart from according to one of my girlfriends who feels I should have made more effort to force said "spark" on both me and him as clearly singledom is far worse a fate than forcing yourself to like someone you clearly don't!....lets not get started on that)

So we went on our merry way. Then a few weeks later (after discussing further dates he'd been on) he begins to mention meeting up in a dating kind of context and that he had felt a "spark".....yes......after telling me there had been none???

Now call me cynical? But I'm kind of thinking the dates he had gone on after ours perhaps didn't have as much flow? As we did have a lot to say! There was never any awkward silence which was great. But am I right or wrong in thinking he went on a few more and thought hmm....you know what? She wasn't that bad after all, maybe I should give it another go with that one?

Who knows! Needless to say I wont be experimenting to find out! At the risk of being in singledom for life I'd rather not take my chances on a man I didn't feel a spark with and who may have a friend like mine telling him to force one!

Then when I thought all was lost I met another guy. In such a short space of time is unheard of I promise you! And there was definitely a spark, literally from the moment he opened his mouth. He was lovely!

He was classic good looking but so cute, well dressed and so NICE! I as I have got older am a sucker for niceness! I think its something you realise is attractive after endless "exciting....but they aren't so exciting a few years in" dramaous bad boy nightmares!

I played it cool as I wasn't sure on his situation, but we had a lot to talk about and kept running into each other. And he then finally asked me for a drink! I was over the moon! And couldn't believe my luck that someone I actually liked liked me back?! (again its unheard of!) So I of course said I'd love to!

Nothing. Zilch, nada since! And we've spoken! On the phone, via text, and in person! But no drink has been mentioned!

So another wise friend (ha) said bring it up! You no longer have to wait to be asked! Girls can take the lead now.

I feel this is desperate! Beings he already asked me, I already said yes, and he's done nothing about it means he's not interested?! I'm sure dating hasn't changed that much over the years we now have to literally throw ourselves at their mercy. But OK...gave her the benefit of the doubt, she is in a better position than I to advise being in a functioning relationship and all so I brought it up ADMITTEDLY by text. And i just got a kiss back in return. That was it. Again said friend was sure I needed to be more upfront, not hint at it but directly ask?

WHY!!! I'd already said yes! Then opened up the topic again and by ignoring it had basically been shot down?! no???

Well I ignored her (phew I hear some of you say!) and asked a mans opinion! (brutal but honest) and he had this to say "he was interested when he asked you, but since then something has happened to put him off, either another girl he's met in between or something you did"

Hmmm! I had a feeling on the other girl front, don't like the thought it was something I did (probably looked as excited as I felt when I'd said yes to the drink!) but have to face facts it could well have been!

But tell me this. Why cant men just be straight forward!! Women are forever being joked about for being obsessive, over analysing freaks! But we have to be! As we're told there is no spark....then few weeks later (perhaps because we agreed and didn't argue the point?!) there now is a spark! And are asked out for drinks...accept and then never mentioned again!!

If you know a psychotic seeming female you should perhaps have a think at the confused mixed messages the poor soul is dealing with!x