New Year New Year

Well. Happy New Year firstly to any readers I may have! And I hope it is a good and healthy one for you!

How did it come so quick??! I cant believe 2010 is over already! It seems crazy to me all my plans for 2010 have been and gone! And I don't actually have that many for 2011 yet! A strange yet nice feeling!

I feel as everyone does at New Year I need a change. But I don't yet know in what form.

So far the only change I plan to make is to finally move into my own little place. It was looking very good a while ago for a gorgeous Victorian house nearby but there are some hold ups and was told to expect to hear in January. So...fingers crossed I do!

A new job? Maybe. I have been at my current role three years this year. And I still love it I have to say. I still feel like its new! I don't dread going (well anymore than anyone else when the dreadful alarm goes off in the morning!) I love the people, the work, the challenge and variation. But having qualified in my field I'm not ruling out a new position if it became available and if it were right for me. To get me to move would take a pretty good opportunity! But I'm open to it.

Friends. Well. Sadly I am feeling rather neglected from friends as late. And its not a nice feeling.

It does stem from being single I feel. Many of my friends are now in couples, or at least dating someone. And seem to think that plans made with me are....I'm not sure? Definite? A commitment to do something the evening we arrange? I'm not sure! But three times this week alone I have been let down by two different friends, and one didn't even have the decency to tell me she was now out with her boyfriend and wouldn't be coming over to meet me as arranged. Had I not contacted her I'm not sure Id have heard at all. One friend even let me down for a man new years eve. Not even a current man! An ex.

Its very disheartening to be cast aside by people you never would have cast aside your self.

As discussed previously I'm sure I was in a relationship for just over five years. My friendships never suffered. If anything I worked harder to keep them going, and was always told off for doing so. I thought because he didn't want me to have friends. Now I feel slightly different.

Its not the fact that they would rather spend time with boyfriends. One friend in particular he is the guy she is going to end up with. Without a doubt. So I completely understand of course she wants to be with him most of the time. But to make plans with me in case he's busy? Then not see me if he isn't? I don't think that's fair.

She will no longer make forward plans with me. Only last minute arrangements when I'm guessing he's sprung on her that he's off out unexpectedly. Unfortunately (or not as the case may be!) I usually have plans by this point and cant make it at such late notice. I am then further ignored.

It wouldn't be quite as hurtful if the joys of social networking didn't ensure we can see every ones conversations to everyone else without even having to delve for them! There they are as soon as you login! And she can make forward plans with other couples. Its just me she's unable to.

So. New friends? Not quite as easy is it the older you get!

Romance? Well judging by 2009 and 2010 this is not an option! I think I have safely decided that love isn't for me at the moment. I just don't seem to be in a place where I meet anyone I like and when I do it has turned out two out of three they have girlfriends (which they had not mentioned!)

Its hard not to lose faith in love when you're single and see the way in which men are allowed to treat women (sorry women you do allow it once you're aware its happening if you continue to see them!) Anyone watching Mark Wrights antics on The Only Way is Essex will be nodding in agreement!

Its also hard when you're no longer at an age you want to go clubbing, nor should be I fear! You don't have many girlfriends to go out with anymore as they have crazy work schedules, children, husbands etc. And when I do get to go out with the girls its been so long I want to catch up with them! I'm not interested in chasing men!

Well they say when you're not looking they appear! So I'll keep you posted on that one! I've all but given up hope and accepted my shelf life :) (I shall have a rather fabulous glitzy shelf though I'd like to add!)

Relocation? Along with the house and job situation there is also the acceptance that maybe I feel so blue and left out and on a shelf! because everyone around me has moved on. Be that with family, marriage, almost marriage, mortgages, careers, abroad. Maybe its time for me to move on? As in completely! My ex is always round the corner no matter what I do rearing his head to guilt trip me at any chance he gets and to ask if I'm making the right decision by refusing to get back with him! (yes)

Everything I know is here, in this tin pot town and everyone seems to have found their place in it or moved on. Maybe its time I thought about doing the same?x