The life of a hypercondriac

I may have mentioned on beginning this blog that I have an issue with anxiety. This can sometimes vanish for years at a time and other times it is always at the forefront of my mind.

I don't know where my hypochondriac tendencies come from. And is NOT an attractive trait to have. It's one that sadly cannot be hidden, as a hypochondriac requires constant reassurance from those around them. It is a very needy and very annoying (To those around them doing the reassuring!) condition to have.

There has not been one day this last two weeks that I have felt well. Not one. And these have ranged from an actual condition I needed antibiotics for (OK...that one was fair)...to perceived side effects ...(from the antibiotics) to possible actual real side effects (But we'll never know as I am such a hypochondriac/drama queen), to concerns that the feelings were then not side effects but a symptom of something else...and so it goes on.

Fellow hypochondriac's (as long as they realise that's what they are...some are in denial) will be nodding their heads very enthusiastically about now, those who are the strong "never ill" types will be rolling their eyes in disbelief that someone can worry over such trivial and pointless things.

I have to agree with the eye rollers!

In my line of work I deal with many health issues. (Others thankfully, not mine!) that range from hypochondriac's such as myself who are off with any small thing...toothache (that's fair, that can be horrific!) to being overtired, stress at work (welcome to my world) or headache/cold etc. Although not many people complain at colleagues staying home with colds as they are so contagious and awful when you catch one!

But I also have to deal with people with genuine illness or conditions. Such as to name a few...diabetes, although not an illness as such but a condition that requires constant monitoring and requires the individual to be vigilant in how they take care of themselves and can greatly affect their day to day life. Chrons disease, another debilitating condition, and then onto cancer and the real life threatening awful illnesses and conditions.

And here is the really funny thing. The people with the life threatening or life altering conditions I never hear a peep from. Not one. They never complain, they battle through immense treatments and appointments, exhaustion and whatever the day throws at them with such strength I can never imagine having within myself. I really cant. And I am in constant AWE of these people. Who battle to not only beat their disease (where cancer is concerned) and to stay alive in some cases, but still come to work! Still live their life! Still carry on as normal.

They put me to absolute shame. They really do and rightly so. And it does stop me in my tracks to think of all the years I have panicked and worried over the smallest ache, pain or gripe and what it could be or what it means and how these amazing people are staring these illnesses in the face and saying screw you!

Sadly it does not stop my hypochondriac tendencies completely. And that's my issue I need to deal with and learn how to let this go and stop wasting life worrying about "what if's" or maybe its just who I am and I wont ever change. Who knows. But I know, seeing these particular people I should know better.xxx

The buying v rent debate

It is drilled into us from a very young age that buying is the only option for us. Buy buy buy. You must own a property...more than one property! How will you ever know you've made it if you dont buy?

Renting is dead money. Its just paying off the landlords mortgage, they're making money while you sit in their house paying for it.

This is very true. BUT...if something breaks...for example a boiler (£900 I believe) that is not your £900! Not at all! It costs you a free phonecall if you have free contract minutes to your landlord to come and sort it!

Ok you may have a nightmare landlord who will do everything to avoid that! But on the whole they're good people!

If you buy you can decorate, yes, you have security, yes, you can make money hopefully when the market eventually picks up! Yes..and that would be great.

But I have to say of all my friends who rent or buy...the buyers are always struggling. I never ever hear how great they're doing, I only ever hear how poor they are. And these people earn good money! More than they should in some cases! But they just cant make ends meet.

They live on credit and limited food supplies!

My friends who rent however, I never ever hear anything from them about what a nightmare they're having money wise.

I cant really work out the difference I'll be honest, as in my experience of meeting with mortgage advisers the mortgages work out cheaper than rent in some cases.

I know if things go wrong they are at the buyers cost to fix, but surely that cant be a monthly occurance (or you'd hope not)

Renting also gives you a lot more freedom. I never know where I will want to end up, so I figure if I rent and can up and leave whenever I feel like it! Although the argument is if I buy I could rent it out and move?

The argument for owning a house in old age? Well....if god forbid you need a home they sell it to pay for it?! This does not seem like a benefit to me! If you rent they will have to house you...it may not be as classier a home! Admittedly! But still?

I think the current climate also influences peoples decisions.

I have seen many people lose their jobs sadly with how things have been. And the renters are obviously upset but ultimately their rent can be paid or at least get assistance, whereas the buyers can potentially not only lose their job but the home they spent so long saving for!

Its a hard decision, maybe I'll know the right answer when the times right?x

There's being single and FEELING single!

Sadly there is a difference between being single and feeling single!

Most of the time I LOVE being single I have to say, its great! I can do what I want, when I want with no one to "check with" and no one to have planned things for me without asking!

I can sit in watching dvds whilst painting my toenails, or waxing (sorry!!) tanning, hair treatmenting or whatever preening ritual I feel like! (It takes time boys!!)

Or I can walk my dog, visit girlfriends, go last minute shopping or just slob around in pyjamas! Doesnt sound exciting! But when you've been with someone for years you learn to appreciate "me time"

The only thing that can spoil singleness...is being made to feel single!! And sadly the people that make you feel this way are usually your friends.

I dont think they mean it! They're so caught up in coupledom its all that matters. That is now their universe and anything outside of it....well doesnt count as much anymore. (Sadly)

Now not everyone is like this, I was never like this with the previous boy but have been like it when I was younger (and learned not to be!)

But I can see why some of my friends are like it. Mainly because I think the guys they are with now? Are the ones they'll marry. So I get that.

Some....is because they're so desperate to keep a man they'll run around doing anything to ensure that happens (which it doesnt always!)

But the bit I hate...apart from women in general losing their identity in anyway for a man (easy to say when you're single and looking in from the outside! ha!) is the fact that their friends are somehow downgraded!

So I had plans with a girlfriend, but she cancelled. To do couple stuff! And this happens more and more! I am no longer a priority, but a backup plan. Being a single in a group of attached friends means I am the most available, (sad but true) so therefore can be cancelled on! As I will be available any old time!

Now this isnt true! I do have other friends who I see, and who hopefully dont always cancel! But I am increasingly finding myself alone at weekends because all my friends are attached and doing couple things! Wedding receptions, christening receptions, the boyf's families weddings/christenings/birthdays/engagements etc!

When you get a boyfriend, you take on his social life too sometimes once you know the family and his friends (and they hopefully like you!!)

But how long do you leave it before seeing the friend you used to see every week?

Months now it seems.

And sadly I am that friend!

I am so happy for my friends who are happy. They have been out with many a crazy/selfish/idiot in the past! So for them to have nice guys now who make them happy is great!

But it leaves me kind of nowhere when they keep cancelling as the boyfriend has a better offer!

Make new friends? Single ones? Well my friends are all from growing up together, I have known them so long! And they're all fab! I dont want to replace them! But maybe I do need a wider circle? Which in a small town is difficult!

So for now! I remain home alone at weekends with my dvd collection and pots of nail varnish!x

The lessons in life! - Business & Pleasure!

The thing is in this world we all learn the hard way whether we want to, mean to or not! Its just how it is.

I continually seem to learn this way, although I do find it is the most effective way of learning.

And you also learn no matter what, nothing is ever as it seems. Just when life begins to sale along nicely...something or someone will pull the rug from under you, and even if you're prepared or expected it, it still knocks you off course.

I think the worst type of lesson learned is that between business and pleasure. And it is THE most commonly learned lesson of them all. So if this sadly a lesson you have come across yourself, please dont feel bad! I believe everyone at some point or another has had to go through this lesson in life! And even the sharks of the world or those who would sell their grandmother for a sale or promotion learned it from somewhere!

We've all got pally with people from work, how can you not sometimes?! You guys spend more time with work colleagues than you do your own family. So its inevitable relationships will form.

Sometimes these relationships take you to a friendship with your Manager even. And even though you KNOW this is a bad road to go down, you head down it anyway! Your boss is great! Your boss is different, and down to earth and amazingly supportive and understanding. And they are. BUT.....only until something comes up to affect them. Then I'm afraid dear kiddies you are for the chopper.

And its not their fault, I have to stress. They want to be friends with everyone they work with, of course they do! Everyone wants a little family at work to make the day more enjoyable! But when it comes to promises and lies....they are not going to pull any punches.

As long as you're aware of that friend away your bosses and colleagues!

I think when the particular boss in question made the promises they made they thought they would come true, sadly they didnt and you cant help but feel cheated and resentful BUT you had to know it was coming! Ultimately their interests are themselves, then the organisation. Your friendship sadly....was just an innocent bystander.xxx