Speak your mind = Crazy girl!

Apparently if you speak up, and stick up for yourself you are crazy or a stalker. This is why so many women keep quiet, let men walk all over them, treat them far less than they deserve and they don't say a word. Why? We may look bothered therefore scaring them away. Look like we care....therefore scaring them away. Like we actually like them....therefore scaring them away (you get the message) For a year this particular "boy" (not a man yet I'm afraid, and I mean in maturity, not literally!) has seemed to think he can pick me up and drop me as and when he feels like it and its "OK" as "we're friends" Friends do not stand up other friends with no explanation, reason or apology. Friends do not then ignore messages after said standing up and vanish for weeks on end to suddenly turn up out of the blue like nothing happened. He claimed to "really like me" to "want to get to know me again" etc etc. (I knew him years ago, and should have known better this time round!) And so we were taking it slow. The odd date etc. But taking it slow does not mean...not turn up and then show up weeks later and expect me to be in waiting for him. So. I spoke up! Enough of this blowing hot and cold! I wouldn't accept this behavior from my friends, hell i wouldn't accept this behavior from family! I would ask what their problem is! And so I did. To be told....it was "out of the blue" for me to message about this! He thinks he's done nothing wrong and has no recollection of stand ups! (Glad I went to so much trouble for something he doesn't even remember arranging!) Clearly as this particular boy is ridiculously good looking, and quite good company he is never questioned on his behavior! (Assuming he behaves like this with all women! It could just be me!)and he did not like it one bit. I think my question was worded quite politely to be honest! But he clearly did not agree and made me feel I'd completely made up this situation in my head. Like its perfectly acceptable and normal to arrange dates and for him to vanish without trace! He had me feeling crazy! Doubting that he had done anything wrong, I even had to go back through my messages to check we had arranged these dates! (we had) I felt crazy! And that I'd totally read into things! (I hadn't. Well I had....but only because of what he'd been saying) I responded to his blatant denial by carefully pointing out (I didn't want to look mad!) his random behavior and how I don't treat people that way and don't expect it back. To be met with silence. Shocker. I may have been single a long time, I may have been excited to run into this old flame, I may have eaten up all his lies, and I may have wanted to believe everything he said, but I wont be treated like a doormat to have a man. No matter how long its been! And how "grateful" society thinks I should now feel to have someone interested in me! And if I had any doubt......I received a text later this eve to say he was out with his "girlfriend" who....he apparently lives with! Small town this one! A friend was out with a mutual friend of ours and she spilled the whole story. So don't ever settle girls! Your gut is always right!xxx

Could I have done more?

When we lose a friend or family member it is always difficult and hard to accept. But when you lost them because of something that could have been prevented its even more difficult.

This week we said goodbye to a friend who was just the nicest, most compassionate, most optimistic person I had probably ever met. I didn't really appreciate at the time her skill of seeing the best in every situation and every person she met. I don't think I ever heard her say a bad word about anyone? I even saw her cry because of things people had said or done to her but still don't recall her ever speaking badly of them.

She always smiled. She always had time for everyone, she always greeted you as if it had been years since you had last spoken. She was interested in everyone and everything and really proud of everyones achievements no matter how small they were.

I'm not sure if any of us really appreciated what a good heart she had. I think we just knew her that way and so.....not took it for granted? As no one had a bad word to say about her either, but probably didn't tell her enough how much she meant to everyone and how she made them feel. I wonder if in church this week she saw the impact her loss has had on everyone.

The biggest feeling on that day wasn't just the loss we feel but...could we have done more? Should we have done more?

She was battling with demons which we were all aware of, and one by one tried and failed to help. But did we try enough? Had we realised how far into this she really was?

We all tried and failed to keep in touch when she began withdrawing from everyone. She would respond to texts, and social network but even that trailed off eventually apart from a select few and her family. But were even they aware of how bad she really was?

We all knew she was unwell but didn't realise how unwell, and I doubt even she realised how bad she had gotten.

Soon texts went unanswered, meetings cancelled, phone calls unanswered and one by one we each felt it was us she was avoiding or had no interest in keeping in touch with so gave up. Lives are so busy and I guess people don't have time to keep chasing people that don't want to keep in touch.

We then all got the fateful message that she did not have long. That she was losing her battle with her demons and just the realisation that now there was really nothing we could do now.

We will always wonder if we let her down. Always. I don't think we'll ever not think about what we could and should have done, about her, about the loss, about the waste, about her family left behind, and how we had let months or years in some cases go by without trying to do something to stay in touch.

We let her descend into the darkness she had found herself in. We left her to her demons as we felt she didn't want our help, and perhaps felt she didn't want to stop or help herself? But who are we to decide that? Our lives got busy whilst hers spiralled out of control, and now who has to live with the consequences of that?

You cant force someone to stay in touch, and you cant force someone to get better who doesn't want to. but we should have kept trying.

Single yet turned down a night out???

It appears to mean when you are single you have to accept every single offer for a social event for fear Mr Right could be at said social event and you miss him!

I yesterday was invited to a friend of a friends birthday. Which was very nice to be asked! But after two very busy days I just wanted to stay in, put a hair treatment and face pack on and watch chick flicks.

This was pointed out to me as "turning down a night out to meet people, to watch films about other people meeting people"

Of course coming from a "smug married" person!

it baffles me how singletons going out every night, to any event, whether they know the people inviting them very well or not is any less "desperate" looking as those that are seemingly desperate for trawling the internet for dates. (smug marrieds see this as desperate, not me I would hasten to add!) I barely knew the people out last night apart from one, and yes what a fab opportunity to meet new people! But when you want to stay in.....why when you're single do you need to justify that?!

Mr Right may well have been out last night, or Mr Right may well have stayed in watching sports, or went away for Easter OR Mr Right may.......not exist! (imagine!!)

But I enjoyed my evening of chick flicks and chocolate and refuse to feel bad for doing so!!x

Standards

So when you hit your 30's and there is still no prince charming in sight do you have to start thinking about your standards?

I mean do you have too many? Are you looking for such a specific person to spend your life with its impossible to find the right one?! (or ones!)

But...should you lower your standards?! I mean what you want from a relationship is what you want. So why should you lower your standards? Settle.

Standards such as a black card holding, multi property, aston martin driving, city banker, who is tall, dark and handsome with no baggage is something that could be taken down a notch! Or fifty!

But standards such as someone who is independence, has their own place (whether its bought or rented) drives, has a good job, is ambitious I think is ok.

I mean, you cant help you fall in love with. You could fall in love with a vet, a bar tender, a bin disposal worker.....the list is endless! If you disregard these because of what they do....well then perhaps the standards should be dropped? If the feelings are genuine.

If its a case of you wouldnt have anything in common because of the job etc then again thats a valid reason.

I feel as an independent woman with her own place, good job, who is independent, and has good friends etc that I can expect the same from a partner. And that isnt being "too choosy"