I cannot begin to explain the amount of heartache and pain I am in at this moment in time.
When Tilly* came into my life I knew the moment I meant her she was meant for me. An instant bond you could say. She was the cutest, funniest little character I had ever come across! My heart just melted!
She continued to be the cutest and most hilarious character the older she got. When she first arrived she was a timid soul, and petrified of men. A year in she was running the household and bossing everyone around with her "doggy" demands! It was comical to watch, and I believe only other pet owners can understand the personalities these animals take on!
We are not an emotion showing family. We don't hug, we don't say I love you etc. It doesn't mean we don't FEEL loved! We're just not all about saying it. But she changed all that. We couldn't shower her with enough love because she was a cuddly dog, she had to be with someone, couldn't sit without sitting on or next to someone, she was the most affectionate dog I'd ever known and she made us that way. She brought us together with our shared love of her and sharing the comical things she had done that day or when we hadn't been around.
When I or another member of the household was ill she would not leave your side. At all! She would park herself on the end of the bed from first thing in the morning until mum got home in the evening when she'd jump down to greet her and shepherd her upstairs to visit the poorly!
She would greet all of us when we got home as if we'd been to war and she never thought we'd make it home! She played, entertained, snuggled, amused and was always centre of attention.
At times I snapped at her, for barking, or whining when not necessary. I was even embarrassed of her at times when she was the only dog that wouldn't sit nicely at the vets, or howled outside the shop while we waited for mum to come out, or whine in the car because she was so excited to get wherever we were going, or sneakily run off when I just thought I'd got her when out running in the fields to terrorise other well behaved dogs (much to their owners disdain! Luckily she was only usually as big as the other dogs paws)but no matter how much she had been told off, or if you'd snapped when she really probably hadn't deserved it but you were having a no patience day, she loved you anyway. She loved all of us, like we were the most amazing beings she had ever met. Complete unconditional love. No matter what had gone on in your day at work, at home, personal life, she was there to pick up the pieces. She would just sense your upset and sit for hours, she'd even lick the tears from your face.
She was tiny but she was loud, sounded like an elephant was upstairs and had no manners just cheek! She had endless dog beds but the only beds she ever slept on were ours! And despite her tiny frame somehow we ended up huddled in a corner whilst she spread out across the rest!
She melted the hearts of everyone who met her. By everyone she was loved. You couldn't help it! She was a comedian in a cute dog disguise. And now my heart is broken because she was taken from us far far too soon. Although I'm sure no matter when she had to leave us it would never have been her time as far as we were concerned.
After becoming ill such a short time ago, and us and her amazing vets trying every treatment possible she passed away peacefully yesterday at home with my mum at her side. I could not make it back in time, but take solace in the fact she was with someone who loved her as much if not more than I, and having spent all of the previous evening with her I hope she knew how much I cared.
To not be able to return the favour of never leaving her side while she was ill was heartbreaking. But being a human not a dog it isn't possible! We have to work to keep these amazing animals and I just so hope she never felt cheated she'd looked after me so many times over the years and I couldn't return the favour as much as I wanted to.
They say life goes on. And it sure does. But ours is so empty now. So quiet, so dull, so bland, and we've lost the little beacon of love we had in our home that kept us all together. I feel almost like I wont know what to talk to my family about now she's gone as I'm sure she is all we've ever talked about since she arrived.
I hope she knows how unbelievably loved she was, and will always be. I hope we made her an inch as happy as she made us. I never knew such love could be possible until I had her in my life.
She was never a tie, never a burden, she was a joy and I am so sad that she became so unwell and had to leave us but thank god that she did not suffer for long and was in no pain.
She knew how heart rending the decision would have been for us if we'd had to make it and she made it for us. I just wish we could have had her a bit longer, I wasn't ready to let her go yet.
I know people will think "its just a dog" and will never understand the loss we feel but I can only say to think that, you have probably never had a pet. They make a house a home. And we will be so lost and empty without her.xxx
