A wallow day!

Everyones entitled to a wallow day huh? Well mine is now two days in fairness! All I've done is laze around in my pyjamas watching back to back chick flicks and eating when i can be bothered to move!

I am not usually this lazy I have to say! But once as month for a day or two I give in! I'm sure many of you girls can relate to what time of month that is!!

You know these chick flicks just arent always good for you! Is this why I've been single so long? Is this why I've been single in the first place!

Did I throw away a completely perfect guy because we didnt have "movie love"

He never went out of his way to declare undying love! (Unless he was in trouble)

OK, OK when we fought, he would mention things he COULD do to change, or COULD do that I'd like. But did he ever show up at my house with the ring he'd promised for near on 3 years? No! Did he whisk me away on a foreign holiday whether I paid for myself or not just to "get away from it all" ...again no. Did he make a fool of himself turning up at some event where everyone we know is there to declare he cant live without me and cant believe he'd been such a fool. .....that again would be a no. And did he even change the little things he said he would? You guessed it. Big fat no!

But do guys really do this? I mean honestly and truely DO THEY DO THIS!! In the real world?

I have to say in my experience they dont? And this could purely be because despite what they said or even thought at the time I wasnt the one for them! Empty words is all they dished out because ultimately I wasnt worth more than that? Not in a bad way!! I mean subconsciously I wasnt for them in the long run.

OK I havent had VAST experience! And my taste in men is somewhat.....challenging to say the least! But every guy I split with who was silly enough to want to try again never pulled any of this crap! And i have to say....if they did? Maybe I would be as swept away as the women in the films are! Maybe I would try again! (Not that I didnt in the case of two of them)

I dunno, when i've given a guy a 2nd, 3rd foolishly 4th chance they have been nice? Sure! Theyve taken me for dinner...ok fair enough. But thats crap they should be doing anyway!

Did any of them chase me to stop me going anywhere before they lost me forever? No! And ok in fairness I havent gone anywhere! But thats the point! They havent even showed up where they know I'll be! Or even sent flowers!

Am I expecting too much and thats why I'll always be eternally disappointed? Always eternally wishing I had what these movie girls have?

OR am I just not afraid to want that! And not afraid to wait for that! And if it doesnt come? Well. To hell with it I'll have a bunch of cats! Cats are....ok? ish?

It seems I'm asking for a lot I know. But I have spent a number of years on guys I thought at the time was "the one" but when things began to unravel realised....they werent! They would "just do" you know?

Screw that! Its not what I want. At all!

And if movie love never comes? Then screw that too! I've been spoilt now with all these DVDs that sit before me!

I'm not completely ungrateful! (I'm thinking men reading this are thinking well my dear...this is why youre almost 30 and single!)

But I promise you guys! Most girls want this! Deep down even if they dont realise it! They want this!!!!

My last boyfriend who I was with for over 5 years didnt even have a clue what to get me for my birthday. not one clue! I'm not joking! After 5 years? His excuse being? "He's rubbish at presents"

He'd take me shopping to pick something.

ok ok, thats not as bad as forgetting my birthday I admit! Or not getting me anything at all! True! but after 5 years? He couldnt even think of one single tiny thing I'd like??

You know girls as well as I do its not about money! And flashing the cash! If he'd even bought me my favourite shower gel, chocolate bar and drink I'd be touched he at least KNEW what I liked!! but he had no clue!

I guess I could be single a while longer huh?

But all my boyfriends end up...well like Big on SATC 2! on the couch! Lazy and uninterested despite my efforts to "keep it fresh" because I think ultimately thats what men want. Someone to sit in with! To eat with, to just "be" with. I think men as they get older stop going out so much, especially when they meet "their one" or, just someone they can settle with as I'm not so sure men are as bothered with "the one" as women are in my experience anyway!

But as Carrie said in SATC2, they have chosen you to spend their couch time with you know?

In regards to my ex there are so many many women who would have loved to be the girl he shared the sofa with every night! But I felt was boredom, frustration and resentment at being told to "sssh" as something good was on.

I dunno, I guess the day I'm sitting on the sofa for the 100th time in a row with a man...look over and am just happy to be there with him and nowhere else I will know I have the one? I wont need mad gestures and such? As he'll have enough gestures everyday that let me know I'm the one? And he is too?

Who knows! Here's to over a year over singledom and thank the lord I dont surround my life around being in a relationship! It means when I have one it will be so worth the wait :) xxx